Growing Up Little

A woman exploring the world of BDSM and sharing what she discovers…

30 Days of Kink – Day One

on October 29, 2012

Day 1:  Dom, sub, switch?  What parts of BDSM interest you?  Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you.  Basically define your kinky self for us.

At this moment I consider myself to be a switch.  I have doubted this self-imposed label many times though.  I have been exploring my submissive side alot more lately and there are times when I want to focus only on that.  I want to simplify things for myself a bit I suppose.  But… then something always draws me back to my Domme side.  Sexually – I believe I enjoy being submissive more than being Dominant.  Saying that, there is still something very pleasurable for me, to be the one in total control during a sexual encounter with a man.

Sometimes... this is where I prefer my men...

Someone once explained that being a switch is like enjoying both pie and cake.  There are things you like about each.  Sometimes you feel like having one more than the other.  Just because you pick pie one night, doesn’t mean you no longer like cake…  It’s okay to like both, you don’t have to choose.  It isn’t an either or issue.  Or at least – it doesn’t have to be.

Sometimes being a switch is confusing for me.  When I first started, I found it quite jarring at times – going from one to the other.  At that time I was actively playing with both a Dom and a sub.  I was trying to keep up to both…  So one moment I was in a submissive state of mind and then I would be talking to my sub – having to switch over to my Dominant state of mind.  I found it difficult.

There have been times, especially in the last few weeks, when I have been tempted to re-label myself to be submissive.  What is my true nature?  Is my Dominant side, actually just a defense mechanism with men that I am having a hard time releasing?  Is my Dominant side, really just my submissive side – pushing a man to see if he can be Dominant enough to overpower me?  The subs I have played with – all identified themselves as switches… and they all ended up being submissive to me.  All questions I have not quite found answers to yet.  I hope to.  I am searching.

The next part of the question:  What parts of BDSM interests me?  Oh… a lot!

On my sub side:  I like blindfolds, handcuffs, and various types of bondage (I especially like my wrists being bound).  I like kneeling,  I love giving oral sex to my Dom – with him it is more than “giving head”… it is worshiping his cock.  Until him – I never felt that way about it.  With him, it turns me on to do it… it’s no longer something I do, just cause I know my partner like it… and there is a difference in the way it’s done and the way it is received when it is done with that sense of “worshiping” him.  I wish I could explain it better than that.  I love spanking.  I adore my Dom’s black leather belt.  The sound of him taking it off, having him run it over my back… hitting me with it, is one of my favourite things.  He especially likes using a hairbrush to spank me with.  I like the hairbrush because it it hurts more.  I love hair pulling.  I love when my Dom claims ownership over me, claims ownership over particular parts of my body.  Before him, I had never experienced anal sex.  That “spot” was claimed by him.  It is his and only his.  No one else is allowed to touch me there.    I also am very excited to be exploring knife play.  There are likely alot of things I am leaving out but those are the things that come to mind immediately.

Not my picture

I love my Dom’s black leather belt. (picture from internet… not my Dom!)

 

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