Growing Up Little

A woman exploring the world of BDSM and sharing what she discovers…

30 Days of Kink – Day Five


Day 5:  What was your first kinky sexual experience?

I think I would have to say it was the night I lost my virginity.  I was 16 years old, very inexperienced and drunk, very, very drunk.  He was in his late 20’s, it was the first night I met him and looking back at it – I should have gone to the cops and pressed charges.  He took total advantage of an underage, totally naive girl.  Makes me sick to think about it now.  Two weeks after ‘that night’, I expected him to show up at my highschool dance and was surprised and upset when he didn’t show.

The reason I say that was likely my first kinky experience… I only have glimpses of what happened that night.  I remember him holding my wrists down, I remember little things that indicated it wasn’t ‘just’ vanilla sex.  The biggest indication though was the following day…  I was covered in bruises.  I mean every single limb had bruising.  Both arms, both legs… I hurt all over.  I hurt ‘down there’.

So – my first kinky experience isn’t one that I remember fondly at all.  It is remembered with shame, with anger and with resentment – still – 24 years later.  I don’t know if men realize the harm they can do, for an hour or two of their own pleasure…  I am sure Trevor doesn’t remember me or that night – unfortunately I do.


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