Spoke with Daniel (my Daddy Dom) on MSN last night. We talked a bit about how the DD/bg dynamic is working for us. The last time we got together, we were in Toys R Us and he read me a story. During the story he had me touch him, so I would know he was hard for me. It seemed so natural, to be in ‘little mode’ and still feel sexual as well. It was a different type of arousal and hard to explain. It made me wonder, if it would be possible for me to be in ‘little mode’ and stay in ‘little mode’, while doing more sexual things. I want to try it and see if I can. We discussed it. The thought of it… being in ‘little mode’ and touching him, even putting him in my mouth… arouses me. Part of me, feels okay with that and part of me feels guilty for it. Struggling again with acceptance.
We also spoke about my desire for rougher sex. I feel like he is holding back. He tells me he desires it too but that he is taking ‘baby steps’. Last night, I asked if those baby steps were for him or for me because I feel ready for more. He said they were for me. I feel a bit frustrated because I feel like I am ready to go further… why doesn’t he think I am?
He says we won’t be able to get together this week. It makes me sad. I hate going more than a week, without seeing him. I think the lack of control over when I can and cannot see him bothers me. Yes, it bothers me.