Growing Up Little

A woman exploring the world of BDSM and sharing what she discovers…

It Isn’t Ageplay

on November 16, 2012

The writing below: “It Isn’t Ageplay” is taken from the blog Masochistically Defiant.  She refers to her Daddy as “Monster” (which I think is absolutely adorable).  Look for my comments afterwards – I am so excited about my take from this!

It Isn’t Ageplay

I know there’s lots and lots of people out there who associate being a  “little” with ageplay. For my Monster and I, ageplay doesn’t even come close to  describing our relationship. Just for a second I am going to describe what the  term ageplay (age play, age-play) means to me. And please remember this is my  opinion, yours may be different. My idea of what ageplay is: A person or couple that pretends to be a different age. They have a set  time for when they are going to be this certain age and maybe even dress up for  an ageplay session. When it’s all over they drop the act and go back to  normal.Like I said, this is only my opinion on the term. For my relationship with  Monster…that doesn’t describe how we work. I hate labels, but the closest one  for me would be a non-age specific regressive little mixed with a child at  heart. But how is this different than ageplay? First, I have no idea what “age” my little side is. I always just go with mid  to late teens. Stuck at 16-ish most of the time. There’s no pretending that I am  a definite 16, it’s just how I am. Second, we never know when it’s coming. Well…the grocery store brings out  my younger side. But in a normal day, Monster can’t say, be 9. It doesn’t work  like that for me. If I am not feeling 9 I can’t act 9. Third, Monster doesn’t alter into this Daddy persona. It’s who he is. His  personality. I’ve been told by ‘nilla people, “he’s such a Daddy.” It’s not this  role he slips into whenever he wants. Same for me. I am a kid at heart. I never  grew out of cartoons, coloring books, and ribbons and bows. I still giggle like  mad when people say the names for naughty bits. It’s my personality. Him being Daddy and me being little girl is us. 24/7. No set times for when  or how or where. My little side is always there. Just under the surface. Waiting  and watching for the thing that pulls it out. A sparkle, a shine, a sound,  anything that entices that side of me to come out. If some people label that as  ageplay, so be it. I just…don’t. I like to think of us as two people with  complementing personalities.

 

I was so excited to have read this last night.  I almost wanted to cry at the end of it because I have been struggling to understand and accept my little side.  I was confused about where the line was between being little and ageplay.  It felt blurry to me and I was confused and unsettled because of that.  I still can’t say I have accepted my little side in full but reading this and absorbing it was a huge step forward for me.

I think my Daddy has been trying to tell me almost the same thing but for some reason, hearing it from another little, in her own words, was what I needed.  I think Daddy already had a good grasp on the fact that my little side is a part of me… it’s not separate, it’s not a role I play… it is part of who I am.  Daddy knew that.  Daddy tried to tell me but for some reason… I couldn’t accept it, I couldn’t understand it, not at the time.

When I read:  My little side is always there.  Just under the surface.  Waiting and watching for the thing that pulls it out.
That clicked with me, it made so much sense.  My little side really is part of my personality (just like my Daddy said it was).  She is just under the surface but I have been hiding her and repressing her for so long, maybe always.  So why is she coming out now?  I think it is because I am finally with a man who understands me, who I trust, who accepts me for me.  I haven’t had that before.  Ever.  I think another reason is because I have been actively exploring my sexuality and accepting that it is a bit “out of the norm”.  Through this exploration, I am becoming more self-aware.  So… my little side finally feels safe enough to peek out and take a look around.  She is still pretty shy but she is learning to trust coming out to play.

Another huge step forward for me is that I’m realizing that my little side is not bad, she’s not a weird character flaw that I need to overcome…  she just never grew up all the way… and that’s okay… she doesn’t have to… she doesn’t need to… she can come out and play with Daddy when and where it’s safe.

This new acceptance and understanding of my little side, has given me such a sense of freedom to be who I am and be okay with who I am.  It’s truly wonderful.

So – thanks again to Masochistically Defiant.  I encourage everyone to give her blog a peek… cause you just never know, when someone else’s writing is going to be exactly what you need to read, at exactly the right time for you.

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