Was ‘talking’ to Daddy on Messenger tonight. It has been a couple of days since we have had much contact. It is usually about two to two and a half weeks between visits with him and sometimes…. I start feeling a bit disconnected from him. Tonight, I kind of let him know… but re-thinking this as I am writing – I wasn’t exactly upfront about how I was feeling. I ended up acting needy. I feel like I am being needy. The situation between us… it makes me question sometimes… am I asking too much? or am I asking too little? And then I feel guilty because I know that Daddy is doing the best that he can for me under the circumstances.
Yesterday, I was getting a migraine and I can at times get a bit sulky when I do. I just wanted my Daddy to be there… you know… And he will never be there like that when I want him or even need him. In a lot of ways… I am still on my own… even though I consider myself to be “with” Daddy. This isn’t the first time I have felt like this. Part of me gets angry at him because he isn’t there for those moments that I wish he could be. At the same time – it’s not fair to complain to him about it, since there is little he can do about it. I either need to accept it or decide not to accept it. So that’s where I sit for now.
I think I really need to write more… express what I am thinking in words… it’s always been a good way for me to sort this stuff out. For me to see my crazy thoughts and repetition of my crazy thoughts in black and white. SO… if there are some whiny posts in the next few days… you’ll know why!