I chatted with Daddy on Messenger tonight. God… just talking to him… I can fall into ‘Little’ mode so easily. It makes me crave being cuddled beside him, feeling small and tiny, protected and loved. Him reading a story to me… me helping turn the pages… sinking deeper and deeper… getting lost and feeling that ‘floaty’ type sensation when I am deep in Little mode. It is so relaxing for me. So natural feeling. So good.
Only two more sleeps and I will be with him.
Tonight… he mentioned that when we get together on Friday, we will be having a little chat. I of course, asked him what it was about…. and I am surprised he actually told me! My sleep.
My sleep has been quite erratic lately. There are nights I have a lot of trouble sleeping at all. I toss and turn and end up getting very little quality sleep. Other nights… I have no trouble at all. When migraines strike, my sleep patterns get totally messed up. I take my medication and it will often knock me out for six hours… no matter what time of day it might be. So, it can be difficult to have a regular sleeping schedule due to that.
SO… Daddy wants to talk to me about it. He wants to help me with it. Part of me… wants to give that control over to him. I want him to control my life more. I want him to tell me what to do – including when I should be going to bed. Another part of me… feels some resistance to it. It should be an interesting chat regardless.
One of the first things he started ‘making me’ do – is take vitamins. When we chat, he usually asks if I remembered to take them that day… and if I haven’t… he ‘makes me’ go and get them and take them right away while I am chatting with him. He told me that we will also be having a chat about me missing my vitamins on those days that I did forget. The thing is… I don’t really make a point to remember to take my vitamins because I LIKE having him TELL me to take them. I want him to have to remind me. I want him to have to tell me to do it. I’m not sure if he is on to me or not. Guess I will find that out on Friday too!
I know the ‘control’ that he has over me, is always for my own good. I know that he does it because he cares for me and loves me. If I thought his intentions were any different – I wouldn’t give him that control. Part of me craves that ‘stronger voice’… craves being ‘led’…. craves being controlled. Does that make me weak?
I want Daddy to tell me what to do.