Growing Up Little

A woman exploring the world of BDSM and sharing what she discovers…

Still Feeling Sad

on July 7, 2013

I’m still feeling pretty sad and a lot confused about things.

I received quite a few supportive comments on my last post…  Happy – hurt – confused.  I really appreciate the support I felt coming from my readers.  It means a lot to me.

I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on in my head with the relationship I have with Daddy.  I’m confused and I’m still feeling a lot of hurt.

What is it that I feel hurt about?  I knew, from the very beginning that Daddy was married.  What I didn’t know from the beginning was how the two of us would end up feeling about one another.  I know Daddy loves me and cares for me.  I also know that he is comfortable with his ‘real life’.  Why would he give up all the stability, all that he has worked so hard for over his adult life, the mutual friends that him and his wife have together…  why would he throw all that away?  Especially when he has both of us, the way things are now.

I don’t know if he realizes how hurtful it is.  Even though I don’t expect his to leave his wife… I don’t WANT him to leave his wife for me… it still hurts.  The situation I have finally woken up and realized that I am in – hurts.  I’m mad at myself.  I walked into this mess… of my own free will.  Did I realize where things would end up? No… but am I here regardless?  Yep.

I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I don’t know where to go from here.

Am I able to distance myself a bit… knowing and truly accepting that what we have… will always be eight hours of quality, fun, intense time together… every two weeks?  Can I allow myself to be satisfied with that?  Should I actually try to look at that as being a positive thing?  There ARE a lot of positive things about having a relationship like we do.  I get to see the best in him, every time I see him.  I get one on one – fully focused attention when I am with him.  I know a lot of couples that have nowhere near eight hours of focused time together over a two-week period.  I get to be his icing… I get to be the desired one… I get the thoughtful, romantic gestures…

I guess the real question is… is that enough?  Can that be enough for me?  Can I accept things the way they are… take what he is able to give me and know it will never be anything more than that?  That is the true question and I haven’t discovered the answer yet.


21 responses to “Still Feeling Sad

  1. Ms. Roberts says:

    OMG! I am in the exact situation! I haven’t read your other post yet. But my Loverly is fifty and I am 24 and he is married too. We only get to see each other once and a while. It does hurt. I know exactly how you feel. It hurts a lot. I dream of his wife catching us in the act too. I don’t want to leave him or make him divorce but I would really like him to leave her. Every day it hurts me especially when he says that “I am his life” when he clearly hasn’t done anything for us. I’ve done a lot for our relationship. I moved when I didn’t have a real job. We only lived together for three months and then he broke my heart by moving back with her. I think he was just scared. But now I am home (with my parents) and going to school. It’s been a year now. He says the same things over and over again that he wants to marry me and live with me. But I have my doubts.

    • Oh see… our situations are a bit different, in the sense that… my Daddy has never given me the impression that he ever intends on leaving his wife. He has never ‘lead me on’ to believe that one day he will leave her and be with me full time. That’s part of the reason why I feel so confused about things. Knowing that this is all it will ever be between the two of us….

      • Ms. Roberts says:

        At least you know what is intentions are. My Loverly hasn’t made a difference in his marital status since we met and it looks like he is stinging me along. That is what hurts the most.

  2. LindaGHill says:

    It’s a tough decision to have to make. I wish you all the best.

  3. phoenixasubbie says:

    I’m going to give it to you from the perspective of the wife–because I was her for over ten years while my husband went out and slept with other people.

    God only knows what he told them about me. I’m sure he was the poor misunderstood, sexually starved husband who just needed some attention…..

    The truth of the matter was that I was turning myself inside out and in knots trying to make him happy and be what he wanted me to be. Sexually, he could have had me any day of the week and then some. He chose to go elsewhere.

    This man made promises to me in front of God, our family and our friends. Instead of keeping those promises, he broke my heart. He abused my trust. He destroyed my self esteem.

    Was I a perfect wife? Of course not. No such thing. Did I try hard to be? You bet your boots I tried.

    Here’s the thing– he can tell you his wife is asexual. Truth is, you aren’t behind closed doors with them. You don’t truly know what goes on in their home.
    I don’t mean that to be hurtful….just food for thought.

    The bottom line to me is that someone who can cheat, and successfully cheat enough to sustain a relationship like yours, is someone that is capable of a pretty high level of deceit.

    And you are right, when it comes to cake or icing, they will choose the cake every time. It was my choice to throw the cake out.

    Bottom line– To me, and this is my opinion only, if you are this conflicted about it, you KNOW the answer already in your heart.

    From reading your blog, you are a lovely person and I wish you much happiness and peace. I think you deserve better than this. Do you?

    • Thank you – I appreciate you being direct and I’m glad that you shared your experience with me. I hear what you are saying and I have no doubt that you did make every effort to make your husband happy.
      But… surely there are instances that the wife actually IS asexual (as well as not being BDSM interested)… When I started seeing him, I knew from the very start that he was married. I justified things at the time, for several reasons… he had no kids, he was looking for a BDSM based relationship, which the wife had no interest at all in (I didn’t know at the time that they actually don’t even share the same bedroom together and hadn’t for years)… and he was honest about his relationship status from the very beginning.

      I do hear what you are saying… I don’t know what is TRULY going on behind closed doors with him and his wife. If he can lie (and get away with it) to his wife… why do I think he couldn’t do the same to me… I understand what your saying. However, I believe what he says about the sexual status of their marriage. Could I be wrong… absolutely. But I honestly think I understand the dynamic between them, as much as any ‘outside’ person could. Don’t get me wrong… I don’t think his wife is mean or bad or anything of the sort – I just think it’s a set of circumstances, difficult ones for both of them. I don’t feel like there is a ‘bad guy’ in the situation at all.

      You are right when you wrote: if you are this conflicted about it, you KNOW the answer already in your heart.
      I’m searching and trying to understand myself and what I want, what is okay for me, what I truly believe about relationships. I’m in the process… It’s a learning curve right now… and a struggle and painful process… but… open, respectful conversation with others, certainly helps and I appreciate you being a part of that. Thanks for putting your heart out there by commenting, even though it is a perspective from ‘the other side of the fence’, I can take it and learn from it.

  4. phoenixasubbie says:

    I want to add to that, if I came off sounding like I’m on my moral high horse it is only because it triggers lots of bad feelings from days gone by.

    I apologize if I hurt your feelings or was out of line.

    Just want you to be happy 🙂


    • Oh phoenix… you didn’t sound like you were on a moral high horse at all. I appreciate you leaving the comment… You were being honest and did it in a respectful way and I appreciate that. You weren’t out of line at all. 🙂

  5. GUL……

    You know what’s right and what’s wrong. You deserve better… I know you do. You are a caring and thoughtful person. There’s another man that can give you the cake and the icing… The best part it’s all yours… No sharing….
    Your soooo kind…. But follow your heart girl… No regrets… Just learning … Keep your chin up and I’m sending you a BIG HUG!
    LK ❤❤❤❤❤🐇

  6. Fondles says:

    I suppose you’re asking the right questions n only u will b able to answer them.

    My Daddy has given me his advice- if i were to meet someone who can provide for me and gv me a real legitimate relationship and shud i choose to take that path, he will step back and encourage me forward.

    But i have chosen not to go looking for a “real” relationship because what i have now is way better than all my other relationships put together. N i am finally happy. N that is enough for me.

    • I’m in a similar situation. I have the freedom to date other people – if I want to. I have tried this and found it got complicated (for me) quickly and didn’t seem to be worth the upheaval.
      I do know… that if someone came along, someone I felt that ‘connection’ with – I could and likely would go ahead and date that person and see where it led.
      Emotionally though… a large part of me – doesn’t feel like I’m really emotionally available because my heart belongs to Daddy. Which is sort of a catch-22. If I’m not open and emotionally available to let someone else in… how can I expect that to actually happen? In a way – I want to have my cake and eat it too.
      Perhaps I am over-analyzing things (I often do that)…
      BUT… I think the feelings that are coming up lately that are so intense – need to be dealt with and can’t be ignored… I need to deal with them and either way… whatever resolution I decide… I know I will grow from it. I am truly a work in progress.
      I appreciate your comments – it’s nice hearing from someone in such a similar situation.

  7. I completely understand your feelings. I didn’t believe in cheating and or seek out a married man but it happened and I feel in love! Even though you think you know what you are going into you don’t! The excitement is like crack cocaine and I couldn’t get enough of him. I didn’t start cheating until mu husband stopped touching me and telling me he wasn’t attracted any more. Than I found letter to a girl friend online and I snapped. That’s when Daddy found me. Then I did what that girl did to me BUT I didn’t care!!!! I was blessed enough to find my true love for a short time till he passed and I will forever be great full for him waking me up out of my sleep! Daddies girl forever!

  8. Lazarath says:

    I am Daddy to my lilgirl. I do not wish to place judgement on either you or him. But in my eyes as a Daddy, I would never place my lilgirl in this position mentally or emotionally. I believe very strongly in honesty and integrity. My lilgirl lives with me. I work in a predominately female environment. (It happens when your a nurse like I am.) Even though I have had several women flirt with me and come on to me. I simply ignore their advances. Because no matter what they think. None of them can hold a candle to, or even come close to ever replacing MY lilgirl. Plus we trust each other, we both know the other is totally committed.

    Neither of us is perfect, my point simply is this:
    1) You where your own person before he came along
    2) If he can not make you the center of his world, then you deserve better. It is that simple
    3) Submissive does not mean doormat, or that you are stupid. From a man’s perspective that is what you are doing.
    4) If you are the “girl on the side” say he does leave his wife. Would you ever truly 100% trust him? I know if I was in your situation, I sure would not.

    I hope my bluntness has not offended you. I HOPE it has made you think. The right choice is usually not the easy choice. No matter what you decide I hope you find peace and happiness.

    • I must admit – your comment gave me a lot to think about and it came at a time, that I was feeling pretty sad about things anyway. Don’t get me wrong – I’m glad you wrote what you did because it did make me think and search my soul quite a bit on how I was feeling and I do believe your comment came from a place of honesty and truth on your part.

      A lot of what you wrote – certainly hit a nerve… but that’s because it was there to hit.
      I’ve been really confused about things for a few days now and wanted to somewhat sort out my thoughts before I responded to your comment. I know you don’t know the situation that both myself and Daddy started in and you don’t know the details of what has transpired since then. Would that change your ultimate opinion on things? Maybe, maybe not.

      I wish I could discuss things with you… because I do appreciate your bluntness and your honesty.
      Facing my ‘situation’ realistically and accepting things for how they are or if I ultimately decide not to accept things as they are… regardless – I will grow from it and I will learn from it – I already have.

      I hope you will read my reply to your comment…
      If you are open to it – I would like to email you and get a chance to ‘chat’ more about this with you.

      Thanks for reading my blog and thanks for taking the time to comment!

  9. Lazarath says:

    I would have no problem with talking to you more about this. I would be honored actually. Hopefully you can see, or find my email address from the information I was required to enter to leave you a comment. If not I will drop you a line thru “contact me”

  10. Lazarath says: I hope to hear from you very soon.

  11. Tara says:

    why do you have it tagged as cheating and adultery for a couple of your posts? someone cheating??

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