I’ve decided to take the 30 Days of Submission Challenge Questions, (that I enjoyed following on Surrendered Heart‘s blog) and alter them a little bit for the Daddy Dom – Little dynamic. I will alter the original Challenge Questions (which can be found HERE) to fit my own ‘type’ of submission and the DD/lg dynamic. If you want to join me – please do so and let me know by commenting below.
Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?
When I first became seriously involved in the BDSM world, I was very focused on finding the right label for what I was. Over time – that label has changed and so have I.
At first, for a short time, I considered myself to be a Dom. I liked the control it gave me over any sexual situation I would be involved in. I had quite a few insecurities and by being the Dom and completely controlling the situation, it allowed me to hide those insecurities without admitting to them. Claiming to be a female Dom, I had no shortage of men… who wanted and were willing for me to take control of them, in whatever way I deemed fit. Having that control over what would and would not happen, was what I needed at the time in order to feel safe in a sexual situation. Is that the ideal reasoning behind being a Dom? Of course not but for a while it worked for both myself and the submissive men I was interacting with.
Eventually, I become more involved and attached to one particular submissive, who I’ll call Marc. I found myself wanting him to, and then eventually demanding and instructing him, to overtake me at the end of the scene. That may seem to be a contradiction but somehow we were able to easily flow into that dynamic during our interactions. I had come to realize that being Dominant in a scene was stimulating for me but in order for me to be truly satisfied… I needed to be taken. That is how I eventually grew to become comfortable enough sexually to allow the control to be given over to my partner and I soon adopted the label of being a Switch.
When I eventually met and became involved with a Dominant man, who I’ll call Daniel, I stubbornly held onto my Switch label. He claimed that he was strictly Dominate and in no way would ever take a submissive role with me. Up until this time, there had been other men that claimed to be Dom’s that I was eventually able to Dom and make them my submissive or at least have a switch dynamic with. I did not fully believe at the time, that I wouldn’t be able to do the same with Daniel.
Internally, I felt some shame at the thought of truly being and admitting to the fact that I may be a submissive. I had a lot of misconceptions about submission and what it truly meant and I didn’t fully understand that submission meant different things, to different people and that that fact was okay. There was no ‘cookie cutter’ definition or ‘cookie cutter’ rules that meant you were or were not a ‘true’ submissive.
I became more involved and closer to Daniel and eventually I began to allow him to Dominate me. My ‘need’ and ‘desire’ to have a Dom/Switch dynamic role with Marc began to abate. Eventually, the more I developed a Dom role with Marc, the more uncomfortable I became in that role. I started to understand what being a Dom really meant. The responsibility that it carried. The strength it required. The effort and work it demanded. The interactions I was having with my own Dom – Daniel, was showing me things from a different perspective… I began to see out of the eyes of the submissive and the true power the Dom holds over his/her submissive. I became unable to continue playing the Dominant role with Marc and I eventually ended our interactions.
I felt relieved to allow myself to become fully immersed and allow myself to fully explore my submissive side. I felt that I wanted to concentrate and truly give myself over to my submissive side but at the same time… I stubbornly clutched onto the idea that I was truly a switch… I was just choosing to explore my submissive side for the moment.
To make a long story… a little shorter…
Eventually, the D/s dynamic I had with Daniel, evolved into a Daddy Dom/Little dynamic, which neither of us knew or understood even had a label. I stumbled upon a DD/lg group on FetLife and started reading about it and I soon realized… it was the type of dynamic that Daniel and I already had… we just didn’t know it. There was a ‘category’ that we fit into, a label for what we had and I felt so happy that I had finally found what was a more accurate label to describe what we have together.
The dynamic that I identify with is DD/lg. It took some time and encouragement from my Daddy Dom but I have allowed my Little side to emerge and she has begun to flourish. I feel that I am finally allowing myself to be – who I truly am. I am a Little.