A lot has been happening. Daddy is taking steps to leave his wife. He is preparing himself. I know he is going through a lot emotionally and that after so many years of being married – it is going to be difficult.
Just in the last week or so… I have been feeling insecure. Things just seem ‘off’ and I can’t pinpoint where those feelings are coming from.
Part of me, feels guilty. Strangely, for the first time since I knowingly became involved with a married man. I think it’s because before things had been running as normal between the two of them, what she didn’t know, wasn’t hurting her. Now… he is acting differently at home. I think he is starting to emotionally distance himself from her. They have been fighting. It’s the first time when I’ve really felt badly for the role I’ve played in disturbing their marriage and swirling up the dirt and debris that had numbed and been covering up their issues and problems. Saying that – I know that I am not responsible. He is. The state of their marriage – has nothing to do with me.
I know I’m not explaining how things are right now very well and all the background about what’s been going on… so I ask for patience.
I’m feeling confused and insecure. Unsure of myself and unsure of my relationship and I can’t really put a reason on it. Which must sound awfully weird to people reading this but it’s true.
Part of me – wants to talk to Daddy about it. Let him know where I’m at. I know that’s what I should do. It’s always best to communicate openly and honestly.
I’m feeling lost.