Growing Up Little

A woman exploring the world of BDSM and sharing what she discovers…


on June 1, 2014

A lot has been happening. Daddy is taking steps to leave his wife. He is preparing himself. I know he is going through a lot emotionally and that after so many years of being married – it is going to be difficult.

Just in the last week or so… I have been feeling insecure. Things just seem ‘off’ and I can’t pinpoint where those feelings are coming from.

Part of me, feels guilty. Strangely, for the first time since I knowingly became involved with a married man. I think it’s because before things had been running as normal between the two of them, what she didn’t know, wasn’t hurting her. Now… he is acting differently at home. I think he is starting to emotionally distance himself from her. They have been fighting. It’s the first time when I’ve really felt badly for the role I’ve played in disturbing their marriage and swirling up the dirt and debris that had numbed and been covering up their issues and problems. Saying that – I know that I am not responsible. He is. The state of their marriage – has nothing to do with me.

I know I’m not explaining how things are right now very well and all the background about what’s been going on… so I ask for patience.

I’m feeling confused and insecure. Unsure of myself and unsure of my relationship and I can’t really put a reason on it. Which must sound awfully weird to people reading this but it’s true.
Part of me – wants to talk to Daddy about it. Let him know where I’m at. I know that’s what I should do. It’s always best to communicate openly and honestly.

I’m feeling lost.

feeling lost 2

17 responses to “Insecure

  1. liona says:

    Yesssss talk to him and let him know what’s going on. You need to speak your mind so he knows why you act the way you act…. because he may see it in you. He needs the support more than ever now. This is a huge step not only for him but for you both and if you dont clear the air…. it may sour. Good luck to you. I hope all goes well and you both are happy.

  2. Cinnamon says:

    I’ve missed you. All I can say is Hugs and wish you the best

  3. Good luck. I truly hope things work out for you. However, I have learned from experience to always trust my instincts. If something feels off, it is. Be careful. I hope your Daddy is worthy of you, but if not I hope you will escape without becoming collateral damage of a failing marriage. It’s often ugly. I’ve been in your position several times, and I never got my happy ending that way. A man who can keep secrets as big as your relationship from his full time marriage should be viewed in that light in my opinion. Be safe. I’m not judging you, just wishing you the best. Good luck!

    • Thank you.
      I think that’s part of what I’m worried about.
      He can live separate lives… he is able to keep things in separate little boxes…
      It’s confusing.
      I appreciate your comment.

      • odp says:

        I’m so sorry you’re going through this. And as others, not judging you or your relationship in any way. From my own experience, if someone is willing to cheat on his spouse with you (and be so good at hiding it from her as he has) than changes are he will cheat on you with another.. And its a horrible feeling, both knowing that and know you are the secret in the middle of a marital break down. I’ve been there before and an all too familiar with these emotions. I truly hope everything works out quickly, and however it works out that its for the best for you.

  4. That kind of man says:

    Lady, reading your last posts I can’t write well enough to describe my feelings for you.

    You in my opinion, and with no purpose of offend you, it might sound crude but… you’re pretty stupid, Lady. Because you are dating a psycho… when you wrote, he had two more affairs and his wife never knew about…

    Lady, He can say to you, he loves you, he can commit more to you, but those words guarantee nothing perhaps he says this words to his wife every day, and you’ll never know, perhaps he sleep in his wife’s bedroom every night, and you know… you’ll never find out.

    Because he is a lier, and he obviously convinced you. You see him as a decent person, but perhaps he’s saying the same to you, his wife, and another one ( because the possibility of he cheating on you, is high “… He is very careful to cover his tracks. He never lets his guard down and he never gets ‘sloppy’ or careless about his actions. “)

    He would cheat on you and you would never find it out. Because he knows what you want and he knows how to get what he wants. And He will do everything to keep feeding his own twisted pleasure.

    And I’m telling you this, not because my husband or my boyfriend cheated on me.
    I’m telling you because I’ve been that kind of man, I have a 10 years marriage, no kids and also had two affairs at the same time,
    All the people I was with was sure I was committed to them. One of “my girls” knew I was married, but you know what I did? I told her: “My wife’s do not understand me, our relationship is horrible, sex is nonexistent”. Yeah I didn’t have a nice relationship with my wife at that time, but you know, I fucked my wife every often, regardless of what I said.

    I said: “I love you” to my wife, to “my two girls”, every time, and you know what? they swallowed all my lies. I managed of keep them all happy.

    Eventually one of my affairs asked me to leave my comfort zone: My wife, the one who not only wanted me to have sex, the one who washed my dirty dishes, iron and wash my clothes, take care of me when no one else would or have any reason to.

    And I said: “Yes I will, we can do it together, we are in the same boat…” I just need time because she’s having a bad time due to her father’s death, I want to support her in her bad times, the same as she did, when I had bad times. Guess what? it wasn’t true.
    I did not leave my wife, why I would? She did everything for me, make me food, my dishes, my clothes, I’d get a massage every night and sex if I wanted and I don’t even have to exchange a fake promise to her for it.
    This girl called my wife, and my wife found out, my wife couldn’t believe it, because I was that well managed men with everything under control and high morals. My wife was destroyed, I saw her cry and tear and scream, I hated that girl, I blamed her, I accused her of try to ruin our marriage because I rejected her, I called her crazy…

    I lost my wife, I can’t say I loved her or none of my other “Girls” because I lied to all. No honesty no support, I just exchange the “fun times” with every one.

    Thinking about all this horrible stuff, I’m not sure yet I’d manage to have a “normal” “healthy” relationship, now I’m in therapy and trying to keep the peace in my life, and I hope you can achieve peace too. Best Wishes. Sorry about the horrible english is not my mother language, but I had to share this to you. You deserve somethig better, honesty, support and something true.

    • BambiGirl says:

      Spot on what you have said. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Have to say that Growing Up Little – you are a FOOL and MARRIAGE BREAKER. Learn from this and move on. Karma does it thing and what goes around comes around.

      • I find it sad that you find it necessary to further hurt someone who has already been hurt enough.
        I am not a marriage breaker. The only people responsible for THAT marriage is the TWO people that are IN it.
        Don’t blame others fool.

  5. Khori says:

    I’m glad he’s chossing to live happily with you! I think you should definatly talk to him its the best thing to let him know that you love him and are thinking about his feelings too and not just your own gain from the situaton.

  6. Lost says:

    Hello there:) I randomly found your post while searching for something else. It seems like we are in the same situation. I’d like to talk to you, if you don’t mind. I strongly relate to how you’re feeling in this post.

  7. Jamie Hill says:

    I completely understand where you are coming from cause I myself am going thru this same thing at the moment. Daddy loves me and is miserable in a marriage that has been a farce for far to long. My Daddy has children with this woman and is having a hard time with that aspect of it he has told her he is leaving and she knows it is over. So step one is down and the children understand that things have not been right for a long long time.So I am hoping that things progress and happen but like you I know that I am not the cause of the failing marriage it was failing long before I came into the picture, I just give Daddy the peace and love he needs and has not had in so long.

    • I hope your situation ends up differently than mine.
      Statistically – it won’t. But others told me the same thing when I was in the middle of it and I thought our situation was different. It wasn’t.
      You deserve someone who is available to truly have a healthy relationship with you.
      Any married man – is not able to do that.
      I learned that the hard way.
      I hope you won’t.

    • BambiGirl says:

      This is so wrong. You should not get involved with married people. Karma will come back to bite you.

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