Growing Up Little

A woman exploring the world of BDSM and sharing what she discovers…

So sad… so mad… so depressed

on January 4, 2015

The ‘man’ I had a relationship with… whom I called my Daddy… was not the person I thought he was.  We were together for two and a half years.

He lied to me about so many different things.  This was a man I trusted.  This was a man who escorted me into the world of BDSM.  And now my trust has been shattered.

He is a pathological liar.  I don’t say that lightly.  He lied about everything.

It is truly fucked up.  And I feel lost.  And sad.  And mad.  And I hate that he did this to me.

30 responses to “So sad… so mad… so depressed

  1. So sorry to hear that.

  2. Cinn says:

    I liked, but I don’t want to really like. I am so sorry to hear this. I’m here for you

  3. littleannab says:

    I know they need a dislike.

    I am so sorry hun. ((((huggs))))

  4. Stacey says:

    I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope that this just means that there is a better daddy out there for you. Xoxo

    • Well – I thought this Daddy was ‘the one’. I thought this Daddy and I were meant for each other.
      I was so very wrong on all counts. I’m sure there is a better Daddy out there – because this Daddy ended up not being a good Daddy at all.

  5. undercoverdid says:

    So sorry to hear your trust has been shattered. I understand how much that can hurt. Thinking of you.

  6. oceanswater says:

    Sometimes we’ve got to look out for wolves in sheep’s clothing… sorry this happened to you.

  7. Siv says:

    That really breaks my heart to read.. I feel so sorry for you. I’m sending you some loving thoughts, remember you deserve better ❤

  8. Gully says:

    I Too was deceived for six months, as a Daddy by a little girl who needed to control her world through compartmentalization. She would limit her discussions to this Daddy about her other relationships to avoid ME from correcting her behavior or leaving her.
    Hidden, from me until questioned about some bizarre behavior, was her revelation she was limiting her own expressions of love for Daddy. Because? She wanted to continue to receive my “incredible attention to her little girl needs, with amazing sex” but that wasn’t good enough, so she was waiting to find EVERYTHING in another daddy. She said she was afraid to love Daddy ‘too much’ as that would make it harder to keep looking for my replacement. Daddy didn’t know if he should spank her, eat nails or go blind!

    • Wow – I can certainly identify with the compartmentalization. Daddy use to do that.. and he did it really well. I had no idea HOW well.
      So are you two still in contact? Or is it over?
      Sometimes… I just don’t understand why people do the things they do.
      It makes me feel lost.

  9. Kayla Lords says:

    ((HUGS)) I am so sorry.

      • Gully says:

        Well, the implications of continuing the relationship were beyond my ability to maintain my own self worth. How would I be able to continue the real adoration and love I had for her (she was a wonderful baby girl, and really needed a daddy like me) waiting for good-bye?
        It was all wonderful over the phone and in bed together, We had the right temperament and intellect. BUT, she distracted by other people, who reinforced for her what the right kind of permanent partner she should have. BUT, that kind of man was not a good daddy, so, she would ignore those characteristics while enjoying them from me in her admitted short term. I could not hide my genuine love for her mind and psyche, and out mutually satisfying sexual kinks she admitted were the best ever. I felt used, like a boy toy and without any long term potential, I had to walk away, it was hard, for us both, in fact harder for her. She had less to lose after all. She was inexperienced in working through relationships, no counseling experience, and was also used to having her way, all the time claiming to be submissive, but acting too often the opposite. It was a close call, however, many good aspects I’ve nurtured in the past were there, and she could have been a great little girl. I carry on my search…..thanks for your heartfelt interest.

  10. spanglebaby52 says:

    I too understand the feelings of being betrayed and lied to by someone you placed your trust, heart, and soul into. Big big hugs dear.

  11. i am slave says:

    I stumbled across your blog while researching the term “Little” and it’s meaning. Anyway, as a female slave, my heart broke to read what happened to you. No matter how we identify ourselves in this “lifestyle” (submissive, slave, Little, etc), trust is the foundation of it all. It is what allows us to give completely of not just our bodies but also our hearts. It is what bonds us more deeply than even sex. And to have it violated like it was with you? It’s heartbreaking. I hope you realize that not all men in this lifestyle are like the “Daddy” who hurt you. And that while it may not feel like it right now, you can be a better person coming out the other side of terrible experience. Please don’t let this one man close your heart to all others or cause you to compare any future Daddy to this awful one. I don’t know what else to say other than I wish this hadn’t happened to you. Please take care!!

  12. astraeasstar says:

    Oh darling girl, I am so terribly sorry to see this.

    The wonderful and horrible thing about being any “type” of sub, I’ve discovered, is that when we submit, we do it with our whole heart, mind and body. The depth of trust we have- and must have to allow and want a Dom to do potentially very dangerous things to us- is unlike that of a vanilla relationship. When your whole self is invested, your whole self is at risk to break. I know from experience how shattering it feels when the betrayal comes from your first- and you thought your last- Dom. You will never be the same, sweetheart.

    You will move forward, however, and you will feel whole in time. For now, please, pamper yourself in healthy ways- bubbles, soft blankets, sunlight, stuffies, flowers and yoga worked great for me. Allow yourself permission to grieve the loss of this relationship, a loss of a sliver of your innocence, but know that your future holds possibilities grander than you could possibly dream. So many hugs to you. ~a

  13. hotlilmess says:

    Oh sweets…. i do hope you are feeling better and there is the right one out there; the one that will be honoured and lucky to have you. ❤

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