Growing Up Little

A woman exploring the world of BDSM and sharing what she discovers…

Frustrated and Feeling Lost

on March 16, 2015


What is that famous saying… looking for love in all the wrong places…

Why do I go on sex cam sites and expect men there to not be entirely focused on sex?  Why would I expect the occasional man to actually want conversation, rather than just a Skype play session?

Feeling Lost…

On a different topic… my heart is still hurting and I’m feeling confused.  Really confused.  I use to be relatively confident in my sexuality… now that I don’t have my DD to help quell my doubts when they do happen… my own mind turns against me and these thoughts are allowed to run wild.  I start doubting myself and even though, deep down… I know better… part of me starts wondering if the last three years have been nothing but a phase.  Maybe that’s fear talking.  Not sure anymore.

I feel lost.  Rudderless.

I’m a boat, out in the middle of the sea, on a stormy night…

Darkest before the dawn?

We will see.

7 responses to “Frustrated and Feeling Lost

  1. It does suck to have to do it all alone and to care for ourselves but you can do it, I have faith in you! As for the guys wanting webcam…well they were honest in what they want by being where they are…I hate to sound cruel but its true. There are other avenue’s meet good Daddy’s, you just have to look a little deeper.

    • Miss J says:

      Oh – I’m not looking to meet a Daddy on a webcam site. I’m just hoping for the occasional guy that doesn’t immediately want me to strip off my clothes and ‘perform’ for him – lol.
      Which – isn’t the right place to go for that either!

      Thank you for the vote of confidence in me being able to care for myself… I haven’t been doing a very good job of it lately… but I haven’t been looking at it that way… taking care of myself. Something to think about for sure.
      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

      • No worries, I have the SAME struggles and know how HARD it is to do the right thing all the time. One foot at a time and if you want to work up to cam time…let them know that and if they can’t respect it then let them STEP OFF!!!

      • Miss J says:

        Yes… perhaps it’s the perfect time to practice boundary setting.
        Something to think on.

  2. goldielocks says:

    I feel the same way sometimes. After my Daddy passed away I could find anyone in the bdsm baby girl world that aligned with me. I started dating regular everyday guys and feeling them out. Most get sooo into it. I started converting to open up my dating pool. Mind you most are not as intense and they will need to explore and grow with you. If they need help finding what they like I help. Example be half naked with heels on your knees with makeup on and holding a beer for him when he gets home. My bf has learned to love putting his hands on my neck and spanking me. He is now texting me task during the day….I feel naughty because he will never be normal again lol.

  3. mramgemini6 says:


    Dirt easily washes off : ) The problem with diamonds is that most are already found and claimed. True love and friendship really is like the lottery: it’s hard to win at it, but when you do…wow, your entire world changes for the better.

    Keep looking; and here’s hoping that the sad bear in your picture finds company with another bear who will take it to a happier place.

    Hugs back : )

    — M

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