Growing Up Little

A woman exploring the world of BDSM and sharing what she discovers…

30 Days of Kink – Day Ten

 

Day 10:  What are your hard limits?

Again – not a complete list but…

  • Animal Roles
  • Asphyxiation
  • Beastiality
  • Breath Control
  • Branding
  • Brown Showers (scat/pooh)
  • Dilation
  • Electricity
  • Golden Showers
  • Infantilism
  • Injections
  • Pony Play
  • Serving Other Doms
  • Speculums
  • Standing in Corner
  • Swallowing Urine
  • Video Recording
  • Watersports

 

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30 Days of Kink – Day Nine

 

Day 9:  Post a kink related song or music video that you enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dOsbsuhYGQ

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30 Days of Kink – Day Eight

 

Day 8:  Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Well this is easy…

Makes me feel little.

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30 Days of Kink – Day Seven

 

Day 7:  What’s your favourite toy?

My favourite toy, hands down, is the Hitachi… it ain’t called a Magic Wand for nothing!

A Woman’s Best Friend

I had been leery about buying this… the look of it didn’t appeal to me.  It is big and not very sexy looking BUT… it came highly recommended.  This toy gets the job done!  Nice orgasms in under five minutes – what more can a woman ask for?  Fifty bucks well spent!

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30 Days of Kink – Day Six

 

This post is a day late.

I have a good reason… I was with Daddy Daniel… more on that later.

Day 6:  Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

I think it would be consensual forced sex.  I use to call it a “rape fantasy” but it always sounded wrong and it always brought up a lot of negative feelings with it.  Plus – it didn’t accurately describe what it was.

Consensual Forced Sex.  Many women have this fantasy, yet many women won’t admit they do.  Often there is a lot of guilt surrounding this fantasy.  I use to feel bad about wanting this type of thing… until recently.  Actually, that isn’t accurate… I still hold some shame about this desire… just it has become less recently.

Do any readers share this fantasy – if so… is there guilt and shame attached for you?

 

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30 Days of Kink – Day Five

 

Day 5:  What was your first kinky sexual experience?

I think I would have to say it was the night I lost my virginity.  I was 16 years old, very inexperienced and drunk, very, very drunk.  He was in his late 20’s, it was the first night I met him and looking back at it – I should have gone to the cops and pressed charges.  He took total advantage of an underage, totally naive girl.  Makes me sick to think about it now.  Two weeks after ‘that night’, I expected him to show up at my highschool dance and was surprised and upset when he didn’t show.

The reason I say that was likely my first kinky experience… I only have glimpses of what happened that night.  I remember him holding my wrists down, I remember little things that indicated it wasn’t ‘just’ vanilla sex.  The biggest indication though was the following day…  I was covered in bruises.  I mean every single limb had bruising.  Both arms, both legs… I hurt all over.  I hurt ‘down there’.

So – my first kinky experience isn’t one that I remember fondly at all.  It is remembered with shame, with anger and with resentment – still – 24 years later.  I don’t know if men realize the harm they can do, for an hour or two of their own pleasure…  I am sure Trevor doesn’t remember me or that night – unfortunately I do.

 

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30 Days of Kink – Day Four

Day 4:  Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

This question makes me smile.  My first ‘sexual dream’ that I can remember, involved Bo the blond-haired Dukes of Hazzard character.

The Dukes of Hazzard was my favourite show at the time and I had crushes on both Bo and Luke Duke.  I only have small little glimpses of memory from that dream but I know I was lying down in a field, it was a bright sunny day, Bo was on top of me and he had both of my wrists held down above my head, kissing me.  The dream made me feel ‘funny’ down there.  It was a brand new feeling.

Looking back at my earliest sexual thoughts and feelings – they all involve an element of BDSM.  Bondage mostly.  I find it strange that I never picked up on that before.  I never connected the dots that were so obviously there.  Looking at it now, noticing the ‘red flags’, if you would call them that… would not have been difficult.  It’s just another indicator to me that BDSM is part and has always been a part of my sexual identity.  It’s been there for as long as I’ve had sexual feelings.

Just’a good ol’ boys
Never meanin’ no harm.
Beats all you never saw
Been in trouble with the law
Since the day they was born

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30 Days of Kink – Day Three

Day 3:  How did you discover you were kinky?

This is a difficult question.  Looking back, even to early childhood, I think there were signs of me being kinky but the question is how did I discover I was kinky.  I would consider the moment when I realized I was truly kinky and that this wasn’t just a fleeting interest, really wasn’t ONE moment at all.  It seemed to happen in stages for me.  It was an awakening and it is still happening.  I was exploring it for months before I really started to accept that this kinky part of me, this side of me that was attracted to all things BDSM – is really part of who I am sexually.  I think I am still in the process of discovering and accepting my kinkyness.

A while ago, my Dom asked me if I thought I had a good grasp on things or if I felt as though this was just the ‘tip’ of things…  I still feel that I have barely entered into this new world of BDSM.  There is so much for me to still explore and to discover.  I feel like this is where I belong, where I should have been long ago.  There have been things that I thought I wasn’t interested in but then discover I am when I find myself reacting sexually to them.

Sometimes discovering my kinks… scares me.  I worry sometimes because I react so strongly to certain things, like my newly discovered interest in ‘knife play’.  I watched a video of a couple engaging in it and it immediately turned me on.  When I talked to my Dom about it and he showed me  a knife and I imagined him playing with me, it was such an intense sexual response… I mean how fucked up is that?  How fucked up is it to get turned on by a man dragging a weapon across my skin?  A knife in the hands of a lover…  It’s more than a little fucked up and sometimes when I think about it, it upsets me.  BUT there is no denying what it does to me.  I love it.

I don’t know if I will ever be done discovering my kinks.  I certainly hope that I will learn to embrace them and accept them because they are a part of who I am.  This path is one I am meant to walk down…  it feels right.  Sometimes it is thrilling, sometimes it is very scary but walk it I will.

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30 Days of Kink – Day Two

Day 2:  List your kinks.

In no way is this a complete list…  but it’s a good start!

  • Anal Sex
  • Bare Bottom Spanking
  • Bondage
  • Belt Spanking
  • Blindfolds
  • Bruises
  • Candle Wax
  • Crops
  • D/s
  • Daddy/little girl
  • Domination
  • Hairpulling
  • Hairbrush Spanking
  • Handcuffs
  • Ice Cubes
  • Kneeling
  • Knife Play
  • Male Submission
  • OTK Spanking
  • Phone Sex
  • Restraints
  • Roleplay
  • Rough Sex
  • Sadomasochism
  • Sensation Play
  • Submission
  • Subspace
  • Switching
  • Talking Dirty
  • Vibrators

 

 

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30 Days of Kink – Day One

Day 1:  Dom, sub, switch?  What parts of BDSM interest you?  Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you.  Basically define your kinky self for us.

At this moment I consider myself to be a switch.  I have doubted this self-imposed label many times though.  I have been exploring my submissive side alot more lately and there are times when I want to focus only on that.  I want to simplify things for myself a bit I suppose.  But… then something always draws me back to my Domme side.  Sexually – I believe I enjoy being submissive more than being Dominant.  Saying that, there is still something very pleasurable for me, to be the one in total control during a sexual encounter with a man.

Sometimes... this is where I prefer my men...

Someone once explained that being a switch is like enjoying both pie and cake.  There are things you like about each.  Sometimes you feel like having one more than the other.  Just because you pick pie one night, doesn’t mean you no longer like cake…  It’s okay to like both, you don’t have to choose.  It isn’t an either or issue.  Or at least – it doesn’t have to be.

Sometimes being a switch is confusing for me.  When I first started, I found it quite jarring at times – going from one to the other.  At that time I was actively playing with both a Dom and a sub.  I was trying to keep up to both…  So one moment I was in a submissive state of mind and then I would be talking to my sub – having to switch over to my Dominant state of mind.  I found it difficult.

There have been times, especially in the last few weeks, when I have been tempted to re-label myself to be submissive.  What is my true nature?  Is my Dominant side, actually just a defense mechanism with men that I am having a hard time releasing?  Is my Dominant side, really just my submissive side – pushing a man to see if he can be Dominant enough to overpower me?  The subs I have played with – all identified themselves as switches… and they all ended up being submissive to me.  All questions I have not quite found answers to yet.  I hope to.  I am searching.

The next part of the question:  What parts of BDSM interests me?  Oh… a lot!

On my sub side:  I like blindfolds, handcuffs, and various types of bondage (I especially like my wrists being bound).  I like kneeling,  I love giving oral sex to my Dom – with him it is more than “giving head”… it is worshiping his cock.  Until him – I never felt that way about it.  With him, it turns me on to do it… it’s no longer something I do, just cause I know my partner like it… and there is a difference in the way it’s done and the way it is received when it is done with that sense of “worshiping” him.  I wish I could explain it better than that.  I love spanking.  I adore my Dom’s black leather belt.  The sound of him taking it off, having him run it over my back… hitting me with it, is one of my favourite things.  He especially likes using a hairbrush to spank me with.  I like the hairbrush because it it hurts more.  I love hair pulling.  I love when my Dom claims ownership over me, claims ownership over particular parts of my body.  Before him, I had never experienced anal sex.  That “spot” was claimed by him.  It is his and only his.  No one else is allowed to touch me there.    I also am very excited to be exploring knife play.  There are likely alot of things I am leaving out but those are the things that come to mind immediately.

Not my picture

I love my Dom’s black leather belt. (picture from internet… not my Dom!)

 

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