Growing Up Little

A woman exploring the world of BDSM and sharing what she discovers…

Daddy Leaves To His Normal

We spent the day together.

He walked out the door, just a few minutes ago and here I am, as always, feeling sad.  The ‘drop’ isn’t as bad, as it has been in the past but I still always feel sad when he has to go and I hate the feeling I get… that clinginess… that is so unlike me.  It’s not my ‘usual’ behaviour at all but spending all day with him, being my Little self… when the end of the day comes… reality comes back and I just want to postpone it for just a moment and then another and another.

Daddy says, he too feels sad sometimes… having to go back to his ‘normal’… but I think he does it better than I do.

I didn’t tell him that I finally got the news about that job I interviewed for… and desperately wanted.  I was informed yesterday – I didn’t get it.  I’m so sad and disappointed about it.  I haven’t really told anybody except my best friend.  I was going to tell Daddy last night online but he didn’t have time for a chat… only popped on to confirm our plans, as he had company he had to attend to.  I didn’t want to bring it up today with him because I didn’t want to put a damper on our day.  I just wanted to enjoy being with him – and I did.

DD - tumbler

He read stories to me and we cuddled.  Soon after that… he turned me over on my stomach, took off my pajama pants, blindfolded me, wrapped a belt around my knees and bondage taped my ankles together.  He then took the Wartenberg wheel and ran it over my back, over my ass, over the back of my legs… talking to me all the time.  He placed lit tea light type candles on my ass… let the wax melt and then poured it into the grove of back… letting the wax run and burn my skin.  He did this over and over again.  The wax felt so hot today…  I squirmed to no avail.  He then used the knife and ran it over my back… digging the tip of the blade into my skin.  Running the knife over my back, my ass, the inside of my legs and the back of my legs.  Glorious pain.  Squirming and moaning… sucking in breath… trying to regulate my breathing to control and manage the pain.  I fall into blankness.  That wonderful sense of “being gone”… that feeling that I desire so much.  I’m not really here anymore.  He gives me that and I love him for it.

After the pain, he allows me to breath and relax for a few moments… before he undoes the belt around my knees and uses the knife to cut off the bondage tape.  I feel him hard against my ass.  He allows me to put pillows under my stomach… and he enters me.  Oh… I love when he is back inside of me… where he belongs.  Where I feel like he is finally back ‘home’.  He moves inside of me… sometimes deeply… sometimes barely inside… teasing me… making me moan for more.  He hovers outside of me… and says… “You’ll be a good girl for Daddy this week, won’t you baby.”  I nod.  Louder, he says… “You’ll be a good girl won’t you… answer yes Daddy”… and I do.  “Yes Daddy I’ll be good”.  He thrusts himself deeply inside me and I cry out.  God it feels so good.  He does this over and over again and when he eventually pulls out… it’s not over.  He grabs the Hitachi beside the bed… puts it on me… and drives me to orgasm by simply saying… “Do you want to come for your Daddy?”  The words aren’t even out of his mouth before I moan “Yes Daddy” and start doing just that.  He enters me again… fucking me hard… making me moan and cry out for him… till I eventually feel him come to climax.  I love feeling him… spurting inside of me… twitching and feeling his warmth.  He stays inside me… running his hands over my body, then slips out of me and lies beside me.  I immediately turn into him and fall into his arms and lay my head on his chest.

Daddy – I want you to stay here… beside me… listen to the wind howling outside… the leaves hitting the window… the rain falling.  Let it just be us.  Make the outside world stay away.  Protect me and keep me safe, here with you, forever.

But it can’t be.


We spend the rest of day… having lunch, cuddling, talking… Later in the afternoon, back in bed… I want to take him in my mouth and worship him.  I kiss his cock… lightly with baby kisses… running my tongue down the length of his shaft and then back up… putting the head in my mouth… running my tongue under the rim of him… before I take him all the way inside my mouth.  Deep at the back of my throat… feeling the head of him touching me back there…. Over and over again.  He cums… and I don’t swallow him as I usually do.  I let it run back down his cock… and then run the head of him… over my lips, my chin, my face… feeling the slippery cum on his cock… on my lips, on my face.  Warm.

I’m surprised to hear what time is.  Sad, I know we don’t have long left.  I cuddle into him, not wanting him to leave.  I hate this part and it always comes.  It always has to.  I know what his leaving means… that the bubble will burst… I will be alone and my ‘normal’ will soon return.  I want to stay in the bubble… in the blissful bubble for longer.  Forever.  But it bursts, even before the door manages to close.

And here I am. 



Daddy’s Coming… AND pumpkins!

Tomorrow Daddy will arrive around 9am and we get to spend the entire day together.
I brought two pumpkins with me, that we plan to carve together.



That should be a ton of fun!
I somehow managed to mess my back up… so it’s unlikely we will be having any hard-core sexual activity but I can’t wait to just be – having cuddle time – story time – show and tell – all those special DD/lg things we share.


Daddy Leaves Marks…

I love when Daddy leaves pretty marks on me….




Daddy has played with knives on me before… but this time… I asked him to cut me. 

I love that it is a week later and I still have red marks on my arm, to remember him by. 

He said we would do it again.  Next time though… I am going to ask him to do it in a place that is easier to hide…




Notes From a Day with Daddy

Notes From a Day with Daddy

From early in our relationship… we got into a habit of me writing to Daddy after we had spent a day together, going over in detail my thoughts, reflections, feelings and memories from the day.  I have kept, each and every one of those emails that I have written.

Here are some excerpts from the last one I wrote.  (I spent this Wednesday with him.)

Being led to the bedroom, being told to lie across the bed.  Still cuffed.  You beside me… touching me… running your hand along my bum… I love feeling you touch me there…. it’s soft and gentle and loving.  It makes me want you to touch me more… much more.  The plug.  It hurting.  I love when you make me hurt.  I love you knowing I want it.  Being played with.  Being bound.  Knowing I will do whatever you tell me to do.  Wanting to do whatever you tell me to do.  I love when you play with your spot and you remind me of whose spot it is.  Daddy’s.

Then you walked away…. for some reason I had not even thought about the knife yet.  And when you returned and then clicked it open – I jumped!  I wasn’t expecting that at all.  I was so startled and recognized the sound right away.  Running the knife over my back… mmm Daddy, I could spend hours having you do that.  I love it.  Running it down between my legs.  Then on my breasts… me being able to watch.  I wish we could spend hours doing that.

Four Hours With Daddy

Four Hours With Daddy

On Friday I got to spend four hours with Daddy.  When we met, the first thing we did was go to the pet store.  We went and looked at the cats first.  I asked Daddy which cat he would pick, if he could pick one… and he chose and then asked me the same.  It was fun to imagine which cat we would take home with us.  We then went over to the dogs and did the same thing.  We went and looked at birds, hamsters, mice, gerbils and fish.  It started getting me into a ‘little’ state of mind.  I love walking around the store, holding my Daddy’s hand.  Actually I usually don’t hold his whole hand… I usually hold two fingers!  I had put my hair in pigtails with these baby blue, polka dot fabric ribbons.  I love them.  I am getting quite a collection of hair thingies!

After the pet store… we had “show & tell”.  Daddy had brought some items to show me.  This was the first time we played show & tell together and I really liked it.  Daddy did too.  The first thing was a $10 million dollar bill and nope it wasn’t one of those fake store ones.  It was from Zimbabwe and it was actually a bill that was worth $10 million of their dollars.  The second thing he showed me was an amethyst core sample.  I had of course seen amethyst before but never an actual core sample.  When companies explore, they drill down and take a sample to see what and how much is there.  This was the result of one of their ‘tests’.  It was neat.  The third thing he showed me was an old Roman coin.  We imagined a Roman solider having it jingling around in his pocket… never knowing that far, far in the future… we would be sitting there in modern times, imagining him and his life.  The last thing he showed me was a piece of coral he had found in a riverbed.  It was so neat, him showing me each item, me holding them and asking questions about them.  It was fun.  We are going to play show & tell again when we see each other this week.

Then he read stories to me.  I cuddled up to him, had a pillow and blanket thrown over me… and he read.  I helped him turn the pages of the books.  I got lost in the stories, lost in feeling so little and so protected and safe.  My entire body feels different when I feel little.  It is so nice and calm and peaceful.

The day before we got together, I had asked if he would bring his knife and if we could play with it.  He remembered.  So after stories, he pulled out the knife… opened it…. let me hold and touch it… I love seeing the knife in Daddy’s hand.  I flipped my right arm over and asked him to make marks on my inner lower arm.  He dragged the knife blade deep across my skin.  Leaving behind a red, swollen mark.  I love the feel of it.  He did it again.  Another beautiful red mark left behind.  I love the pain of it.  I asked for him to do it again… but he didn’t want it on my lower arm… he wanted to do it somewhere it would be easier for me to hide.  So I pulled my shirt over and he began on my left shoulder-blade.  Again… dragging the knife, pushing it deeply into my skin…  Slowly…. dragging the blade….  He left curvy, almost S-shaped red, raised marks.  Again he did it.  Each time, allowing me to savour it, giving me time, to absorb the feeling of it, the beautiful pain of it.  I asked him… please Daddy, please don’t stop.  He did it again.  Another mark.  Again giving me time between to savour the feelings.  One more princess, he said…  Again… another curvy, red, raised mark left behind.  It put me into such a deep submissiveness that I would have gladly offered my body to him, to continue marking every inch of it.  The feeling was so erotic, so sensual, so beautifully painful and pleasurable… I just never wanted him to stop.  But he did.


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Seeing Him Tomorrow

Seeing Him Tomorrow

I am going to see Daniel, my Daddy Dom tomorrow.  It is a 2 hour drive there, a 2 hour drive back.  I get to see him for 4 hours.  Worth it to me!  I am bringing books for him to read to me.  I love when he reads to me.  It is one of my very favourite things to do with him.  He wants me to bring all my colouring stuff – I’m not sure why but he wants to see me as I colour.  Interesting.  Here are some of the books I am bringing tomorrow:











Daniel is bringing the cane he purchased this week.  I can’t wait to feel its sting.  He won’t be actually using it on me tomorrow… he will just be showing it to me.  I can’t wait for it to leave line marks on my skin, maybe even red welts.  I will have to wait till we have some privacy at the cottage next week.  However, I did ask him to bring his knife, so we can use that tomorrow.  I asked if he would make marks on my arms with it and he agreed.  Just thinking of it, turns me on.  Him holding the knife, pressing it into my skin, trailing it along, leaving red, raised, swollen lines… proof he was there… proof that he cares for me.  That might sound weird to those who aren’t involved in BDSM but it’s how I feel and I refuse to hide how it makes me feel ever again.  I will NOT be put back in my self-imposed prison.  Perhaps I will even post pictures of the results, let you all see the beautiful marks he leaves.

I will wear a skirt, pigtails and pretty ribbons or some sort of hair clips or bows because that is the way Daddy likes it.  That is the way I like it.  It helps to make me feel little.  I love being lost in feeling little, with Daddy watching me, protecting me.  He is my tether when I get lost in my ‘little world’.  It allows me to wander, to play, to lose myself… it is a truly precious gift that Daddy gives to me.  Daddy loves watching me, protecting me.  He loves being my strength, my control, my power.  I enjoy giving it to him.  I like releasing myself to him.

I love touching him, when I am in ‘little mode’, knowing he is hard, knowing I have made him hard.  Touching him over his jeans, feeling him.  Perhaps I will worship his cock again in the back seat of my SUV.  I love having him in my mouth.  My tongue running up and down the sides of him, my tongue running under the rim of the head of him, looking up into his eyes, knowing how much it turns him on to see me, with my mouth on his cock, our eyes connect and we really ‘see’ one another.  I love taking him deep into my mouth, far back… the head of his cock touching the back of my throat, feeling him fill my mouth that way… and I know he loves it.  I love moving my hand up and down, as I suck him, taste him, lick him.  I have given head to other men… but never the way I give head to him.  The other men… I did it because they enjoyed it and I didn’t ‘mind’ doing it but it wasn’t something I would say I ‘enjoyed’ doing.  With him – I want to do it.  I want his cock in my mouth.  I want to worship him that way.  I want to feel his warmth inside my mouth.  It feels submissive, it feels good and I love doing it.

(not us!)


Can’t wait for tomorrow and can’t wait to share the details with you all when I return.


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30 Days of Kink – Day Three

Day 3:  How did you discover you were kinky?

This is a difficult question.  Looking back, even to early childhood, I think there were signs of me being kinky but the question is how did I discover I was kinky.  I would consider the moment when I realized I was truly kinky and that this wasn’t just a fleeting interest, really wasn’t ONE moment at all.  It seemed to happen in stages for me.  It was an awakening and it is still happening.  I was exploring it for months before I really started to accept that this kinky part of me, this side of me that was attracted to all things BDSM – is really part of who I am sexually.  I think I am still in the process of discovering and accepting my kinkyness.

A while ago, my Dom asked me if I thought I had a good grasp on things or if I felt as though this was just the ‘tip’ of things…  I still feel that I have barely entered into this new world of BDSM.  There is so much for me to still explore and to discover.  I feel like this is where I belong, where I should have been long ago.  There have been things that I thought I wasn’t interested in but then discover I am when I find myself reacting sexually to them.

Sometimes discovering my kinks… scares me.  I worry sometimes because I react so strongly to certain things, like my newly discovered interest in ‘knife play’.  I watched a video of a couple engaging in it and it immediately turned me on.  When I talked to my Dom about it and he showed me  a knife and I imagined him playing with me, it was such an intense sexual response… I mean how fucked up is that?  How fucked up is it to get turned on by a man dragging a weapon across my skin?  A knife in the hands of a lover…  It’s more than a little fucked up and sometimes when I think about it, it upsets me.  BUT there is no denying what it does to me.  I love it.

I don’t know if I will ever be done discovering my kinks.  I certainly hope that I will learn to embrace them and accept them because they are a part of who I am.  This path is one I am meant to walk down…  it feels right.  Sometimes it is thrilling, sometimes it is very scary but walk it I will.

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Visit With Daddy


Today I got to spend time with Daddy.

We did lots of fun things.  He took me to a Halloween store and we played with the cool stuff… looked at costumes…

Then we went to a sex shop.  We got three new toys to play with next time.

We went lots of other places, had lunch, Daddy bought me three new shades of pink nail polish.

When we went back to his car… he showed me his knife.  The one I have been wanting to see for a while.  He handed it to me, let me look it over… we have talked about wanting to try knife play… he told me to be careful, it was sharp, which only made me curious to see – how sharp.  I wanted him to show me how he could run the blade across my skin… pressing… just before it breaks the skin.  I held my arm out for him… he took the knife… and showed me two different techniques.  The first, he used more of the edge of the blade… it created a red mark but didn’t hurt that much.  The second technique, he used more of the tip of the knife…  that one stung a lot more than the first… it created a red line but thinner than the first one.

Think we are going to have a lot of interesting fun with this….

I loved the feeling of it.  I loved that he did it to me.  No hesitation on my part at all, to have him, put that type of weapon up against my skin and ask him to use it.  I trust him and that’s part of what turns me on so much about knife play.  I can’t wait till we can be alone, in the bedroom next Friday.  He whispered in my ear that he will lie me on my stomach, tie me up… so I will be completely helpless… he will run the knife along my back, over my ass… along my inner leg and when he is done…  he will re-claim me, in the spot that belongs only to him.  I can’t wait.


Hard to see in this picture but…                                                  The shorter line was the first technique…                                   the longer line…the second technique.


Needless to say… it was a very fun day.



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