Growing Up Little

A woman exploring the world of BDSM and sharing what she discovers…

30 Days of Submission/Being Little Challenge – Day THREE

Daddy4

I’ve decided to take the 30 Days of Submission Challenge Questions, (that I enjoyed following on Surrendered Heart‘s blog) and alter them a little bit for the Daddy Dom – Little dynamic.  I will alter the original Challenge Questions (which can be found HERE) to fit my own ‘type’ of submission and the DD/lg dynamic.  If you want to join me – please do so and let me know by commenting below.

Question THREE

How do you know you are a Little or have the potential to be a Little?  How do you feel when you express yourself being a Little?

My Answer

I know that I am a Little now, after having developed a D/s relationship with my boyfriend.  I was looking around FetLife and stumbled upon some information regarding the DD/lg dynamic.  The more I read about it… the more I recognized characteristics that described the dynamic that we currently already had.  Once we started exploring the dynamic and realizing that it had a name… it opened up an entire new world for the both of us and gave us the emotional freedom to explore even more into the dynamic.  The more we explored, the more it felt right for us.

When I get to feel Little, I feel a sense of freedom.  It’s who I truly am.  Saying that… I am very vulnerable allowing myself to be Little but Daddy being there to protect me and watch over me, as I enter into my Little world, makes all the difference.  He encourages me and that gives me the strength to explore this part of myself that I feel shy revealing.  He accepts me for who I am.  My Little side and my adult side.  He accepts me for me and that is something I’ve never truly had in a previous relationship.  I feel like I can tell my Daddy anything, without the fear that he will reject me or think that I’m weird.  That is a gift.  That unconditional acceptance is so important and I think that so few people actually have that.  I am so grateful that I do.  My Daddy is ready to protect me, to nurture me, to guide and to lead me.  He enjoys being needed and looked up to and I need someone worthy of being looked up to and he fits the bill.  I admire so many things about him.  There are many ways I wish I was like him.  I admire his strength, his ability to look ahead, his ability to delay satisfaction… all those things that I’m not good at.  He helps me see how those things actually work and I can actually see the benefit of doing those things.  And that they are truly worth doing and striving for.  He is my hero… my mentor… my leader.  I trust him to not disappoint me.  To not let me down.  He loves me for who I am and I love him because he loves me regardless of all my shortcomings, regardless of the huge distance I have yet to grow.  He sees my potential and believes in me.  And that is truly beautiful.

Thank you Daddy.

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30 Days of Submission/Being Little Challenge – Day TWO

Daddy4

I’ve decided to take the 30 Days of Submission Challenge Questions, (that I enjoyed following on Surrendered Heart‘s blog) and alter them a little bit for the Daddy Dom – Little dynamic.  I will alter the original Challenge Questions (which can be found HERE) to fit my own ‘type’ of submission and the DD/lg dynamic.  If you want to join me – please do so and let me know by commenting below.

Question TWO

Describe who you might reveal your Little side to and how. Do you allow your Little side to emerge only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Do you reveal your Little side to play partners, family, friends or only in the context of a relationship?

My Answer

Of course, I feel most comfortable revealing my Little side to Daddy.  He has really encouraged me and allowed me to feel safe enough with him to really allow ‘adult’ me to fall away and allow ‘Little’ me to come out, play and shine.  There is a very special intimacy involved in doing that.  Since I have allowed my Little side to come out with Daddy – I find that it is easier to allow it to ‘slip out’ in front of those that I normally would hold back on.

My Little side only emerges to those that I feel relatively safe and loved by.  However, that doesn’t always mean that the other person, accepts my Little side with open arms.

For example, my daughter, notices when my Little side emerges and she is quite vocal about NOT liking it.  I can understand that my 18 year old daughter wants and needs me to be in my adult role.  I wish she could also appreciate the Little side of me too but for now anyway I will continue to attempt to repress my Little side when I am with her.  She is after all, entitled to a parent.

My sister is someone that I can reveal my Little side to.  She has commented and discussed with me, that she notices this ‘child-like’ aura around me at times and she has said it is a beautiful thing to feel and to watch.  She says she envies me for being able to see the world like that.  I have not admitted to her or come out to her yet as being a ‘Little’, so although she may not have the ‘label’ for it, she is aware that I have this side to me and seems to accept and even like it.

As for others, I think some people might think and recognize that I am a little ‘quirky’ at times or describe it as ‘playful’ or ‘silly’.  I think for some, it is enough to peek their curiosity but not enough to really ponder it, place a finger on it and figure it out.

And I’m okay with that.

 

Hide and Seek... some can see me and some... don't.

Hide and Seek… some can see me and some… don’t.

 

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My Inner Moral Compass

Tonight, a reader left a comment on one of my posts and mentioned deeds that may be interpreted as ‘unethical’ and it really got me thinking.

I use to care a lot more than I do now, about what society deems ‘ethical’.

Doing that places a significant amount of power in the hands of a society, that I myself deem is currently unhealthy, dangerous and demoralizing.  Realizing this… it makes it easier… to allow myself to be steered by my own inner moral compass.

The result?

Inner freedom and the possibility of increased moments of true happiness and an increased sense of life’s meaning.

What could be more valuable than that?

Moral compassTo thine own self be true.

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30 Days of Submission/Being Little Challenge – Day ONE

Daddy4

I’ve decided to take the 30 Days of Submission Challenge Questions, (that I enjoyed following on Surrendered Heart‘s blog) and alter them a little bit for the Daddy Dom – Little dynamic.  I will alter the original Challenge Questions (which can be found HERE) to fit my own ‘type’ of submission and the DD/lg dynamic.  If you want to join me – please do so and let me know by commenting below.

Question ONE

Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

My Answer

When I first became seriously involved in the BDSM world, I was very focused on finding the right label for what I was.  Over time – that label has changed and so have I.

At first, for a short time, I considered myself to be a Dom.  I liked the control it gave me over any sexual situation I would be involved in.  I had quite a few insecurities and by being the Dom and completely controlling the situation, it allowed me to hide those insecurities without admitting to them.  Claiming to be a female Dom, I had no shortage of men… who wanted and were willing for me to take control of them, in whatever way I deemed fit.  Having that control over what would and would not happen, was what I needed at the time in order to feel safe in a sexual situation.  Is that the ideal reasoning behind being a Dom?  Of course not but for a while it worked for both myself and the submissive men I was interacting with.

Eventually, I become more involved and attached to one particular submissive, who I’ll call Marc.  I found myself wanting him to, and then eventually demanding and instructing him, to overtake me at the end of the scene.  That may seem to be a contradiction but somehow we were able to easily flow into that dynamic during our interactions.  I had come to realize that being Dominant in a scene was stimulating for me but in order for me to be truly satisfied… I needed to be taken.  That is how I eventually grew to become comfortable enough sexually to allow the control to be given over to my partner and I soon adopted the label of being a Switch.

When I eventually met and became involved with a Dominant man, who I’ll call Daniel, I stubbornly held onto my Switch label.  He claimed that he was strictly Dominate and in no way would ever take a submissive role with me.  Up until this time, there had been other men that claimed to be Dom’s that I was eventually able to Dom and make them my submissive or at least have a switch dynamic with.  I did not fully believe at the time, that I wouldn’t be able to do the same with Daniel.

Internally, I felt some shame at the thought of truly being and admitting to the fact that I may be a submissive.  I had a lot of misconceptions about submission and what it truly meant and I didn’t fully understand that submission meant different things, to different people and that that fact was okay.  There was no ‘cookie cutter’ definition or ‘cookie cutter’ rules that meant you were or were not a ‘true’ submissive. 

I became more involved and closer to Daniel and eventually I began to allow him to Dominate me.  My ‘need’ and ‘desire’ to have a Dom/Switch dynamic role with Marc began to abate.  Eventually, the more I developed a Dom role with Marc, the more uncomfortable I became in that role.  I started to understand what being a Dom really meant.  The responsibility that it carried.  The strength it required.  The effort and work it demanded.  The interactions I was having with my own Dom – Daniel, was showing me things from a different perspective… I began to see out of the eyes of the submissive and the true power the Dom holds over his/her submissive.  I became unable to continue playing the Dominant role with Marc and I eventually ended our interactions.

I felt relieved to allow myself to become fully immersed and allow myself to fully explore my submissive side.  I felt that I wanted to concentrate and truly give myself over to my submissive side but at the same time… I stubbornly clutched onto the idea that I was truly a switch… I was just choosing to explore my submissive side for the moment.

To make a long story… a little shorter…

Eventually, the D/s dynamic I had with Daniel, evolved into a Daddy Dom/Little dynamic, which neither of us knew or understood even had a label.  I stumbled upon a DD/lg group on FetLife and started reading about it and I soon realized… it was the type of dynamic that Daniel and I already had… we just didn’t know it.  There was a ‘category’ that we fit into, a label for what we had and I felt so happy that I had finally found what was a more accurate label to describe what we have together.

The dynamic that I identify with is DD/lg.  It took some time and encouragement from my Daddy Dom but I have allowed my Little side to emerge and she has begun to flourish.  I feel that I am finally allowing myself to be – who I truly am.  I am a Little.

Princess and daddy

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Seeing Daddy Tomorrow!

I just checked into the hotel room and Daddy and I are emailing back and forth.

I had a stressful day and was having a hard time winding down.

Just ‘talking’ to Daddy… makes me feel calmer.

He has a way of instantly being able to put me into Little mode and the stress of the big, bad, “grownup” world seems to melt away.

He allows me to be Little and he takes care of me. 

He makes me feel safe and protected.  Cared for and loved.

He lets me be who I am.  Who I really am. 

Not only does he LET me be myself… he loves me for being ME…

I love him.

 

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Friday is Boob Day!

It’s Friday… you know what THAT means?

BOOB DAY!

In Honour of Boob Day... does anyone want to lick the rest of the icing off?

In Honour of Boob Day… does anyone want to lick the rest of the icing off?

What is Boobday you ask?  Well, in the words of A Dissolute Life Means…

Boobday is a place for us to honor breasts of all shapes and sizes belonging to all types of folks. Transgender, queer, straight, bi, fit, fat, and in between.

All of us who are the owners of breasts know their magical powers, but not everyone gets to hear it. I hope this will become a place of support and praise. I hear all the time from The Neighbor how much he loves my breasts; I see it in his eyes and feel his cock get hard the instant my flesh hits his lips or touches his fingertips. I want every woman to feel special in that way. Just for being a woman.

If you want to participate in Boobday, which is held EVERY Friday head on over to A Dissolute Life Means… and learn how you can become involved AND see everyone else who participated too!

Oh – and there is a different picture of me, posted over on her blog post…

I’ll add it in here too:

Photo of and by Growing Up Little

Photo of and by Growing Up Little

 

 

 

 

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Fat Positive Book Giveaway!

The Nearsighted Owl is having a Giveaway…

One person will win a Kindle edition or paperback copy of all three books:
Hot & Heavy: Fierce Fat Girls on Life, Love & Fashion
Lessons from the Fat-o-sphere: Quit Dieting and Declare a Truce with Your Body
Coal to Diamonds: A Memoir
Three follow-up winners will win a 4×6 print of their choice from her shop.
Prints like this:
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Actually… what the heck am I doing….  I should not be telling ALL of you!  I entered the contest!  The more people who enter, the worse my chances of winning….
Hmmm…. On second thought… please DO NOT go to her fantastic and fat activist blog, which is full of great stuff!
(I obviously didn’t think THAT one all the way through!  Sounds like me, doesn’t it?)
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True Colours – Rubber Band Ball

TRUE COLOURS

Rubber Band Ball

Photo by:  Ryan Hermann

True Colours Rubber Band Ball

This photo reminded me so much of the song True Colors…

You with the sad eyes, don’t be discouraged Oh I realize, it’s hard to take courage In a world full of people, you can lose sight of it And the darkness inside you makes you feel so small

But I see your true colors shining through I see your true colors, that’s why I love you So don’t be afraid to let them show your true colors Your true colors are beautiful Like a rainbow Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then, don’t be unhappy Can’t remember when I last saw you laughing If this world makes you crazy and you’ve taken all you can bear You call me up because you know I’ll be there

And I see your true colors shining through I see your true colors, that’s why I love you So don’t be afraid to let them show your true colors True colors are beautiful (Cheer up!) like a rainbow

I see your colors though they appear to be different You should never be afraid because your difference is the difference We live in a time where to be yourself is hard And the way you really feel can leave you emotionally scarred But stay strong, stand firm and never back down Being yourself is the only way to act that (Like a rainbow) Trust me, I’m a fighter and a lover But the only time I fight is to reveal my true colors You know

I see your true colors shining through I see your true colors, that’s why I love you So don’t be afraid to let them show your true colors True colors are beautiful like a rainbow Like a rainbow Your true colors, yeah Your true colors, yeah I see them, your true colors You with the sad eyes

 

Special Thanks To:  Ryan Hermann at ryanhermann.com for the beautiful photograph. 

He takes some amazing macro photos… check him out!

 

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Fat Art – Chris Campbell

Fat Art

 

Floating Flower by Chris Campbell

Floating Flower by Chris Campbell

 

 

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Crossing that line…

Safest Road To Hell…

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I recently read an article in Reader’s Digest about how our instincts can fail us.  The article described five different ways that our natural instincts can be harmful, even lethal.  They were described as:

  1. The Domino Effect
  2. Double or Nothing
  3. Situational Blindness
  4. Bending the Map
  5. Redlining

The one that provoked the most thought for me was redlining.  Two examples to illustrate what redlining is:

  1. A scuba diver sees an interesting wreck just beyond the limit of their dive tables.
  2. A mountain climber goes beyond their turnaround time, wanting to reach the summit.

When a situation requires a safety parameter, people will be tempted to overstep it.  It is very easy for a person to think, I’ll just go over the red line a little bit.  No big deal.  Of course, very often, a little bit becomes a little bit more and then just a little bit more and eventually you realize you have gone too far but by that time, it may already be too late.  You have ‘little bitted’ your way into that danger zone, the point of no return.

That’s the danger of crossing the red line.  Once you have crossed it, there may be no other cues to remind you that you are headed in the wrong direction.  There isn’t anything calling you back to the safe side.

This got me thinking.  How often have I ‘redlined’ myself into trouble or unhealthy situations?  How often have I sworn to myself… “just a little bit” and then later on, some time down the road, I turn back around, quite startled and ask myself;  “Whoa… wait a second, how the hell did I ever end up here?”

I’m not necessarily talking about crossing physical red lines or physical safety parameters (although that has also happened) but crossing my own bottom lines, allowing my boundaries to be crossed, allowing myself to cross my moral and ethical red lines.  It is the “just a little bit” thinking that leads me into real trouble.  I should take a step back from those red lines and realize that.  I need to be aware when I am tempted to redline and recognize the true danger I put myself in, if I do ultimately decide to cross it.  Lessons learned.

Photo by Philipp Christyakov

Photo by Philipp Christyakov

Above photo credited to:  filchist on flickr.

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