Growing Up Little

A woman exploring the world of BDSM and sharing what she discovers…

Daddy Coming in 10 Hours!

Daddy Coming in 10 Hours!

We are celebrating his birthday!  So I have decorated!  Even got him some helium balloons!

Balloons!

 

I bought a nice round carrot cake (his favourite) and those big individual candle numbers for him to blow out and make a wish!

I also put up a Pin The Tail on the Donkey – I don’t think we have any use for the blindfold that came with that game!  We have a MUCH better one we can use!

Wonder What The Winner Will Get!

Wonder what the winner will get?

Even Trax got a new dress shirt for the occasion!

Trax ready to party!

So now… all I need is Daddy!

Just Daddy is Missing!

 

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Ten Day Challenge – Day One

Day One

List ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.   (It does not matter if they are online friends or face to face friends or if they are alive or passed.)

  1. I’m not perfect and yes I have fucked up but I am not responsible for your sobriety and it is not something you can use as a bargaining chip or as an expectation of reward from me.  Your sobriety is YOUR business.  The manipulation is not going to work this time.
  2. Please, stop egging her on.  Just let it go for now.
  3. Thank you for your calmness.  Thank you for bringing a rational, calm and steady voice to the table.  Thank you for seeing people, as they are, not how they ‘should’ be.  I admire those things in you.
  4. I still feel uncomfortable with you.  I wish I felt more easy and natural when I am around you.  I know that there are feelings I am holding on to… affecting the here and now… and I need to release those but… I seem unable to.  I’m trying.
  5. Your quiet, shy, passive nature, I have mistaken for weakness.  I will try to remember that the “voice”, doesn’t necessarily indicate the power, confidence and ability behind it.
  6. I am so sorry you are in so much pain.  I wish there was something I could do to make it all better.  It makes me sad, seeing you like this.  I wish and hope that you will wake up one day very soon and will be rid of this condition forever and you will live stronger, happier and with more zest than ever before because of it.
  7. You bring me so much happiness and enjoyment in my life.  I hope I give back as much as I get from you.  I admire you and respect you.  I have grown so much because of you and I will be forever grateful and loyal to you because of that.
  8. Girl – what the hell did you marry him for?
  9. Not sure yet what to think about you but willing to get to know you better and find out.
  10. Sadly, I have come to feel more pity for you, than anger towards you.

 

WANT TO PLAY?

If you do…

Write your own post and then place a link to it in the comments section below…

That way – everybody else can check it out too! 

Thanks for playing and remember… come back for Day Two!

 

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Ode to Fat Bodies

Ode to Fat Bodies

Images/writing below from:  The Nearsighted Owl  (check her blog out… she’s fatastic!)

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To the riot grrrls, divas, fierce fatties, chubby bunnies and fatshionistas

Performers, activists, artists, writers, radical babes and fat bitches
With rolls in different places and all over
Generous thighs, double-chins
And bellies that don’t make apologizes
We have dimples for miles
Cellulite is our badge of fat girl power
Member card for the pudding club
 
We fight, scream, pose, paint, write and sing
Strut, fuck, dance and create
 
 
To the riot grrrls, divas, fierce fatties, chubby bunnies and fatshionistas
Performers, activists, artists, writers, radical babes and fat bitches
We are the fat movement
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Questioning Myself…

For the last week or so… I have really be questioning myself…  I am starting to wonder just how ‘adult’ I actually am.  Up until quite recently – I have suppressed my Little side.

I have ‘acted’ like an adult and I thought I was doing a damn good job of it.  I think by all appearances… I am doing a good job.  I function pretty well in an adult world and I am technically doing it on my own (no spouse).  However, now that I am allowing my Little side to emerge, I have been realizing the contrast… between Little and Adult.  What I am starting to realize is… I don’t think I’m actually as grown up as I once thought.

Daddy and how he handles things… is very adult.  The things he is ‘helping’ me with… are things I ‘should’ be able to do on my own.  Simple things, like making a bedtime and taking my vitamins.  It’s not rocket science – it’s responsiblity for yourself.  If Daddy isn’t there making sure I do those things… I know I wouldn’t be doing them.

Another aspect of this I have also been pondering… is my emotional maturity.  That is where I think I am most lacking.  I don’t handle my feelings well.  I don’t rage or take temper tantrums… it’s not overly obvious that I have difficulty with emotions… which is likely why I have been getting away with doing it for so long.  The problem is… I don’t deal with my emotions well, which causes me physical harm (health issues, migraines etc), as well as emotional harm to myself (depression, irritability etc).

Not being a fully functioning adult, must also affect my daughter in certain ways as well.  Children learn from what they see – not from what they are told.  Is it any wonder that my daughter is having a difficult time dealing with her emotions in a healthy way?  I haven’t modelled that behaviour for her.

So – where to go from here?

I question if allowing my Little side to emerge and allowing it a place to grow, will actually end up helping my adult side grow as well.

I question if allowing my Little side to emerge and blossom… is actually reinforcing NOT being an adult and NOT learning to handle things in a more adult way.

I question myself – perhaps I am being too hard on myself.

I question if I am lacking…  if I am ‘less than’ because I am actually not a fully functioning, well-adjusted adult (although appearances may deceive).

I question if perhaps I don’t actually deceive and play the role of an adult, as well as I think I do.  Perhaps some people are on to me and have been for a while, I just haven’t realized or acknowledged it.

These are the things I have been wondering about lately.

Growing Up Little indeed.

 

 

 

 

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How To Successfully Date A Married Man

Book Review

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How To Successfully Date A Married Man

By Gloria Bonds

My Rating:  3 stars ***

First of all – the title is pretty misleading.  The author, Gloria Bonds is very one-sided and closed-minded with her opinion regarding the morality of dating a married man… AND it is not the side you would assume it to be from the title. 

This book would be fantastic for someone who wants to reinforce their reasons for staying away from married men… or for a woman who has recently left a married man (after having had an affair with him) and is looking to bolster her decision for having done so. 

It seems to me that the author likes to paint everyone – married men, the ‘other woman’ and wives – all with the same brush.  She leaves little acknowledgment for the fact that situations CAN be different and not ALL people are the same.

My Rating System:

0 Stars: Did not finish, was not able to keep my interest enough to bother to continue.

*  1 Star: I didn’t like this book — felt more like homework than reading for pleasure.

**  2 Stars: This book needed something different to make me like it.

***  3 Stars: This book was good. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t bad. I would recommend based on certain tastes.

****  4 Stars: This book was delightful. I’m glad I read it.

*****  5 Stars: I really enjoyed this book. I will probably read it again.

*****+   5+ Stars: A new favorite.

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An extended visit with Daddy

I am so excited.  I will be spending TWO whole days with Daddy this week.  Usually it’s only one!  I have decided to leave a day earlier, just because there is snow due and I’m worried about getting caught up in the mess of it.  So I’m going in a day early… that way I will be stress free, no chance of the roads closing and messing up our plans!  We will get to spend all Wednesday together and then all of Friday too!

On Thursday, I will shop and entertain myself for the day.  Which will be fun too!

For Daddy, of course

For Daddy, of course

 

Getting away from the current pressures I have at home… will be a nice, revitalizing break as well.  Time for me.  It’s okay – I deserve it.

I plan to bring all my colouring books and doodle pads and crayons, markers, pencil crayons with me.  Might get to do some with Daddy and some when Daddy isn’t around to play too.  This one… I haven’t given to him yet but plan too!  I hope he will like it.  I like the rainbow in it.  I love rainbows and I love unicorns too.  I wish there were a nice way to make white show up in crayons on paper…but it never looks right unfortunately!  So a pink unicorn it is!

Then there is this velvet marker picture…

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Another picture for Daddy.  These velvet pictures are fun and super easy to do.  Colouring takes me and makes me Little.  That glorious place of innocence and vulnerability.  The world goes away and it all becomes about what the best colour choices are.  It’s a wonderful, very zen feeling.

I will be seeing Daddy very soon and I am so desperately looking forward to being little for long stretches of time.  Being under his safe watch… being able to go further on that tether of reality… get lost for longer, for deeper…  One day… might that tether snap?  I’m wondering if it wouldn’t be the worst thing to ever happen to someone.  What do you guys think?

Reality…. the value of it.  What is it’s worth?  Any ideas?

Curious.

 
 

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Daddy Leaves Marks…

I love when Daddy leaves pretty marks on me….

 

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Daddy has played with knives on me before… but this time… I asked him to cut me. 

I love that it is a week later and I still have red marks on my arm, to remember him by. 

He said we would do it again.  Next time though… I am going to ask him to do it in a place that is easier to hide…

 

 

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Daddy Doms – Little Girls

Daddy Doms – Little Girls

The writing below is part of a post from Not so growed up…  I am including it here because I believe it is an excellent description of what being a Daddy Dom and being a Little is truly all about.  It explains the dynamic of the relationship between DD/lg’s.  I want to share this here because there is so much misinformation and misunderstanding out there.

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The first point i’d like to make is: Daddy Doms and their little girls are NOT sick and twisted perverts driven by deep seated incestuous or paedophilic desires.

Littles are simply adult women with a childlike personality and who appreciate an emotionally mature partner to protect, comfort and love them. Littles in a DD/lg relationship are not interested in incest!

Daddy Doms are Dominants who simply assume a much more nurturing and caring role than Dominants in other types of D/s relationships. Little girls are submissive women who have a naturally childlike personality that is especially dominant in them when they are around a Daddy Dom who makes them feel safe and cherished.

Daddy Doms vs. Masters:

Daddy Doms are just like other Dominants and Masters but with 1 or 2 key differences. They still take charge and enjoy being in control but they often enforce different kinds of rules. Daddy Doms will more likely focus on their sibmissive’s personal growth, goals and needs than on things like protocol and how certain actions are carried out. Another difference is that Daddy Doms not only accept but actually value and treasure their submissive’s inner little, encouraging their sub to enter and even live in ‘little space’, to play and to explore and enjoy their little side. Other Masters may rather prefer a submissive with an adult attitude towards life and may actually find littles annoying. Another big difference between other Dominants and Daddy Doms is that being playful, having fun and being able to laugh, A LOT, is a necessity and it is also essential to have a nurturing and affectionate relationship with your little. Not to say that other types of Masters cannot show affection but for the most part they seem to me more stoic, more rigid and far less full of warm fuzzies.

Daddy Doms and Sadism:

Just because a Daddy Dom is nurturing and affectionate does not mean that he cannot be sadistic as well. They can enjoy and embrace their inner sadist while catering to and fulfilling their submissive’s masochistic side.

What is a Daddy-Dom’s job?

First and foremost, Daddy Doms are Dominants and as such it is his job to take charge of his little, to guide her and help her achieve her goals, to protect her and to love and nurture her. Other types of Dominants may be free to flippantly order their submissive around purely for their own pleasure but Daddy Doms dominate and enforce rules according to goals set in place in order to nurture and guide their little and based on what is in their submissive’s best interest.

That being said, Daddy Doms do get a great deal of pleasure from their littles both sexually and otherwise.

Being a Daddy Dom is simply a part of someone’s personality, he likes being a dominant but he likes doing to in a more affectionate and nurturing capacity than is the accepted norm for D/s lifestyle relationships. Daddy Doms often enjoy and find both the little and adult sides of their submissives attractive and can appreciate them both. littles appeal to them because they cater to their desires to nurture, protect and love as well as him enjoying and being amused by the natural, child-like little girl personality in a beautiful adult woman’s body.

Why are littles the way they are and why do they need a Daddy Dom?

Littles are unique women who retain a childlike aspect of their personality. This isn’t to say that there is something wrong with them, on the contrary, although the majority of society doesn’t understand their inner little and so sees it as something undesirable. These women need Daddy Doms to make them feel safe, to embrace their inner littles and accept them for who they are in their entirety, the grown up woman and the inner little girl.

What is a Daddy Dom Like?

Daddy Doms love their littles unconditionally. They cherish the woman as well as her inner little and revel in her childlike personality, her innocence and her appreciation of the simple things like cuddles and cartoons on a weekend morning, milkshakes instead of coffee and the way she turns to him for reassurance. He protects her, guides her when she is unsure of loses her way, he helps her reach her goals and is proud of her when she does. Daddy Doms with a sadistic streak may love to cause her physical pain, the type she likes and craves, but he hates and does everything he can not to hurt her emotionally. He will punish her for transgression, whether he enjoys it or not, and will praise her for a job well done. It takes a great deal of discipline and strength from a Daddy Dom to do what he needs to do: dominate, care for, guide, punish, praise, comfort, understand and love his little. He draws on his own life experiences to guide her and keep her safe all the while accepting her as his, all parts of her – grown up and little.

What is a little like?

Littles are very complex women as they are both sexy, adult women and cute inner littles. They can very well run a company but also may sleep with a teddy bear at night for comfort. She enjoys ‘little’ behaviour which may include games, puzzles, colouring in, arts and crafts, watching cartoons and going out for ice-cream. However, she also enjoys adult interests such as sexy lingerie, girls night out with friends, shopping and much more. She feels safest in her Daddy Dom’s arms and around him she is free to be herself, a quickly mix of adult and little girl and she is free to pursue her ‘little’ interests. She may be needy and whiny at times, she may have irrational fears. She will most likely pout and sulk sometimes but she will also light up with an innocent child-like enthusiasm for things she enjoys and, of course, for her Daddy Dom. She is submissive by nature, seeing the guidance, domination and nurturing love of a Daddy Dom who will guide, protect and comfort her when the world becomes too much to handle. She respects him, submits to his will and trusts him completely to keep her safe and love her.

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Read the entire post by visiting:  Not so growed up…

 

 

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Playing with Candles

Playing with Candles

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He had me lay down on my stomach across the bed and told me to keep my eyes closed.  I could hear him at the bottom of the bed… coming around the side.  He started talking about our previous discussion which we had a week or two ago about ‘safe’ BDSM candles.  I had told him I was interested in experimenting with wax but that I had heard that there was a wide variety in types of candles, some burning much hotter than others and that they sold ‘safe’ candles specifically for using on skin.

I jump at the sound of a lighter being struck.  His voice… so strong and loud, my eyes closed as instructed…  “You know I keep you safe.  I would never put you in harm’s way.  This candle isn’t one of those low heat candles that you told me about.  But baby trusts I would never do anything unsafe, right?”  I nod my head and whisper… “Yes Daddy”.

He moves the fabric away from my back.  Several moments pass.  I hear nothing.  My eyes still closed.  I cry out as the wax drips on to my back.  The intensity of the pain is beautiful, within seconds it dissipates.  “Oh, I like how you squirm…”

Again the melted wax drips onto my back… this time as I squirm in a useless attempt to escape the pain, the wax still hot, runs and the pain runs along with it.  Longer lasting this time.  I am falling so deeply into that zone… that deeply submissive state… when I want him to hurt me.

Hurt me more…. hurt me harder…  He creates my craving.

By the third time he drips the wax onto my back – I would gladly do anything for him.  Absolutely anything at all.  Please let me.

 

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Giving Him More Control?

I chatted with Daddy on Messenger tonight.  God… just talking to him… I can fall into ‘Little’ mode so easily.  It makes me crave being cuddled beside him, feeling small and tiny, protected and loved.  Him reading a story to me… me helping turn the pages… sinking deeper and deeper… getting lost and feeling that ‘floaty’ type sensation when I am deep in Little mode.  It is so relaxing for me.  So natural feeling.  So good.

little girl hiding

 

Only two more sleeps and I will be with him.

Tonight… he mentioned that when we get together on Friday, we will be having a little chat.  I of course, asked him what it was about…. and I am surprised he actually told me!  My sleep.

My sleep has been quite erratic lately.  There are nights I have a lot of trouble sleeping at all.  I toss and turn and end up getting very little quality sleep.  Other nights… I have no trouble at all.  When migraines strike, my sleep patterns get totally messed up.  I take my medication and it will often knock me out for six hours… no matter what time of day it might be.  So, it can be difficult to have a regular sleeping schedule due to that.

SO… Daddy wants to talk to me about it.  He wants to help me with it.  Part of me… wants to give that control over to him.  I want him to control my life more.  I want him to tell me what to do – including when I should be going to bed.  Another part of me… feels some resistance to it.  It should be an interesting chat regardless.

little cartoon

One of the first things he started ‘making me’ do – is take vitamins.  When we chat, he usually asks if I remembered to take them that day… and if I haven’t… he ‘makes me’ go and get them and take them right away while I am chatting with him.  He told me that we will also be having a chat about me missing my vitamins on those days that I did forget.  The thing is…  I don’t really make a point to remember to take my vitamins because I LIKE having him TELL me to take them.  I want him to have to remind me.  I want him to have to tell me to do it.  I’m not sure if he is on to me or not.  Guess I will find that out on Friday too!

I know the ‘control’ that he has over me, is always for my own good.  I know that he does it because he cares for me and loves me.  If I thought his intentions were any different – I wouldn’t give him that control.  Part of me craves that ‘stronger voice’… craves being ‘led’…. craves being controlled.  Does that make me weak?

I want Daddy to tell me what to do.

 

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