Growing Up Little

A woman exploring the world of BDSM and sharing what she discovers…

10 Day Challenge – Day Nine

Day Nine

Two images that describe your life right now and why.


Little me lights

Wow… look at this picture I found on Google images.  This is a great representation of what has been going on with me in the last little while.

My inner Little, discovering her and letting her shine and come out of the darkness.

Daddy there… in the background… watching but allowing me space to learn and grow on my own too, while watching to ensure that I’m safe.

Daddy is sort of there… but not.  Not always immediately available.  On the outskirts…  Most of the time being more than an arms length away.

Great representation of what is going on with me right now!  I’m so glad I found it!





free This picture represents my sense on inner freedom that I have been earning for myself lately.  The more I explore… the more I come to accept myself and what I want… the more I learn to set boundaries in a healthy way… the more joy I feel inside.  It is hard to explain how much inner freedom I am gaining, by allowing my sexuality to express itself in the way it has always wanted to.  I’ve done a lot of work in the last year.  I’m proud with how far I have come.  Bubbles are so joy inducing for me!







If you do…

You can opt to go back to Day One of the Challenge

OR just do today’s challenge if you like!

Write your own post and then place a link to it in the comments section below…

That way – everybody else can check it out too! 

Thanks for playing and remember… come back for Day Ten!


10 Day Challenge – Day Five

Day Five

Six things you wish you’d never done.

Okay… this is a hard one.  First of all, I believe everything happens for a reason.  So… it is hard to ‘wish’ that something I did, didn’t happen because I don’t know how that would ultimately affect the rest of my life and if that result would actually be a better thing or not.  With that said… the six things listed below are things that I would classify as ‘negative or conflicting things I have done’ that have caused me to wonder how things might have turned out, if I hadn’t done them.

  1. Married my ex-husband.
  2. Been promiscuous as a teenager.
  3. Terminated a pregnancy when I was 17.
  4. Become addicted to prescription medications.
  5. Continued to communicate with my ex-husband for as long as I did.
  6.  Not gone ahead with a restraining order against my ex-husband.



If you do…

You can opt to go back to Day One of the Challenge

OR just do today’s challenge if you like!

Write your own post and then place a link to it in the comments section below…

That way – everybody else can check it out too! 

Thanks for playing and remember… come back for Day Six!


The ‘Other Woman’… always the evil one?

I was browsing blogs the other day and stumbled upon a blog that belongs to a woman whose husband had an affair.  In one of her posts… the ‘other woman’ was described in a negative light.  Which got me thinking…  (disclaimer!  the thoughts below are MY thoughts that I had after reading her post, I am in no way attributing the words below as being hers…)

  • Is it truly fair that people tend to lump the ‘other woman’ into one category?
  • Is it fair to assume that the ‘other woman’ MUST be a husband stealing, awful, lying bitch?
  • Is it fair to think that once a woman becomes the ‘other woman’… she can never again be truly trusted?
  • Is it true that a woman is more responsible for having an affair than a man is (even if she is the one who is single, she is the one who didn’t betray vows made etc…) – simply because she is a woman and doesn’t tend to be led by sexual urges?
  • Do people tend to blame the ‘other woman’, more than the man?  If so, why?
  • Are there any circumstances where being the ‘other woman’ can actually improve someone else’s marriage, even though the wife may be unaware of the true reason why?
  • If a single friend of yours… revealed to you that she was having an affair with a married man – would that change your opinion of her in a negative way?

Curious minds… want to know!!!


Ten Day Challenge – Day One

Day One

List ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.   (It does not matter if they are online friends or face to face friends or if they are alive or passed.)

  1. I’m not perfect and yes I have fucked up but I am not responsible for your sobriety and it is not something you can use as a bargaining chip or as an expectation of reward from me.  Your sobriety is YOUR business.  The manipulation is not going to work this time.
  2. Please, stop egging her on.  Just let it go for now.
  3. Thank you for your calmness.  Thank you for bringing a rational, calm and steady voice to the table.  Thank you for seeing people, as they are, not how they ‘should’ be.  I admire those things in you.
  4. I still feel uncomfortable with you.  I wish I felt more easy and natural when I am around you.  I know that there are feelings I am holding on to… affecting the here and now… and I need to release those but… I seem unable to.  I’m trying.
  5. Your quiet, shy, passive nature, I have mistaken for weakness.  I will try to remember that the “voice”, doesn’t necessarily indicate the power, confidence and ability behind it.
  6. I am so sorry you are in so much pain.  I wish there was something I could do to make it all better.  It makes me sad, seeing you like this.  I wish and hope that you will wake up one day very soon and will be rid of this condition forever and you will live stronger, happier and with more zest than ever before because of it.
  7. You bring me so much happiness and enjoyment in my life.  I hope I give back as much as I get from you.  I admire you and respect you.  I have grown so much because of you and I will be forever grateful and loyal to you because of that.
  8. Girl – what the hell did you marry him for?
  9. Not sure yet what to think about you but willing to get to know you better and find out.
  10. Sadly, I have come to feel more pity for you, than anger towards you.



If you do…

Write your own post and then place a link to it in the comments section below…

That way – everybody else can check it out too! 

Thanks for playing and remember… come back for Day Two!



Jodi Arias, in the news, making fashion statements???

Jodi Arias… dangerous psychopath…

brunch for every meal

While trying to find a live-stream of the Jodi Arias trial on my computer so I could multi-task packing for LA and enjoying the exploitation of a murder victim and his family, I stumbled upon this little nugget:

jodiWell, well, well, looks like even female murderers aren’t immune to objectification.


whoworeitbestI don’t knoooow, those pink handcuffs are a nice touch. When exactly did the Handcuffs for Delicate Lady Criminals line come out?

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‘Family’ Pictures….


Trax on the run...

Trax on the run…


Fisher... being cool...

Fisher… being cool…


Slippers I wear when I am with Daddy.

Slippers I wear when I am with Daddy.


Trax trying to talk me out of bedtime.

Trax trying to talk me out of bedtime.


Seeing Daddy on Friday.  We plan to spend the day together.  He said we’ll go to Build A Bear!  I am hoping to get Trax a new outfit and maybe his very own passport!  Daddy mentioned wearing my pigtails and to bring my hair thingies with me, so he could help pick out which ones to wear (he usually does this… I really like it).  I’m a little apprehensive about being in public with pigtails, (usually I only wear them when I’m with Daddy inside) especially if I am also carrying Trax around with me too.  A part of me thinks to myself – why the hell should I care what anybody else thinks or might think?  I need to learn to be comfortable with my own stuff, I need to be comfortable with me.  I’m learning, pushing and growing.  It’s a process and Daddy helps along the way.





Ode to Fat Bodies

Ode to Fat Bodies

Images/writing below from:  The Nearsighted Owl  (check her blog out… she’s fatastic!)

fat pride 2

To the riot grrrls, divas, fierce fatties, chubby bunnies and fatshionistas

Performers, activists, artists, writers, radical babes and fat bitches
With rolls in different places and all over
Generous thighs, double-chins
And bellies that don’t make apologizes
We have dimples for miles
Cellulite is our badge of fat girl power
Member card for the pudding club
We fight, scream, pose, paint, write and sing
Strut, fuck, dance and create
To the riot grrrls, divas, fierce fatties, chubby bunnies and fatshionistas
Performers, activists, artists, writers, radical babes and fat bitches
We are the fat movement
fat pride 3
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Questioning Myself…

For the last week or so… I have really be questioning myself…  I am starting to wonder just how ‘adult’ I actually am.  Up until quite recently – I have suppressed my Little side.

I have ‘acted’ like an adult and I thought I was doing a damn good job of it.  I think by all appearances… I am doing a good job.  I function pretty well in an adult world and I am technically doing it on my own (no spouse).  However, now that I am allowing my Little side to emerge, I have been realizing the contrast… between Little and Adult.  What I am starting to realize is… I don’t think I’m actually as grown up as I once thought.

Daddy and how he handles things… is very adult.  The things he is ‘helping’ me with… are things I ‘should’ be able to do on my own.  Simple things, like making a bedtime and taking my vitamins.  It’s not rocket science – it’s responsiblity for yourself.  If Daddy isn’t there making sure I do those things… I know I wouldn’t be doing them.

Another aspect of this I have also been pondering… is my emotional maturity.  That is where I think I am most lacking.  I don’t handle my feelings well.  I don’t rage or take temper tantrums… it’s not overly obvious that I have difficulty with emotions… which is likely why I have been getting away with doing it for so long.  The problem is… I don’t deal with my emotions well, which causes me physical harm (health issues, migraines etc), as well as emotional harm to myself (depression, irritability etc).

Not being a fully functioning adult, must also affect my daughter in certain ways as well.  Children learn from what they see – not from what they are told.  Is it any wonder that my daughter is having a difficult time dealing with her emotions in a healthy way?  I haven’t modelled that behaviour for her.

So – where to go from here?

I question if allowing my Little side to emerge and allowing it a place to grow, will actually end up helping my adult side grow as well.

I question if allowing my Little side to emerge and blossom… is actually reinforcing NOT being an adult and NOT learning to handle things in a more adult way.

I question myself – perhaps I am being too hard on myself.

I question if I am lacking…  if I am ‘less than’ because I am actually not a fully functioning, well-adjusted adult (although appearances may deceive).

I question if perhaps I don’t actually deceive and play the role of an adult, as well as I think I do.  Perhaps some people are on to me and have been for a while, I just haven’t realized or acknowledged it.

These are the things I have been wondering about lately.

Growing Up Little indeed.






How To Successfully Date A Married Man

Book Review


How To Successfully Date A Married Man

By Gloria Bonds

My Rating:  3 stars ***

First of all – the title is pretty misleading.  The author, Gloria Bonds is very one-sided and closed-minded with her opinion regarding the morality of dating a married man… AND it is not the side you would assume it to be from the title. 

This book would be fantastic for someone who wants to reinforce their reasons for staying away from married men… or for a woman who has recently left a married man (after having had an affair with him) and is looking to bolster her decision for having done so. 

It seems to me that the author likes to paint everyone – married men, the ‘other woman’ and wives – all with the same brush.  She leaves little acknowledgment for the fact that situations CAN be different and not ALL people are the same.

My Rating System:

0 Stars: Did not finish, was not able to keep my interest enough to bother to continue.

*  1 Star: I didn’t like this book — felt more like homework than reading for pleasure.

**  2 Stars: This book needed something different to make me like it.

***  3 Stars: This book was good. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t bad. I would recommend based on certain tastes.

****  4 Stars: This book was delightful. I’m glad I read it.

*****  5 Stars: I really enjoyed this book. I will probably read it again.

*****+   5+ Stars: A new favorite.


My Teen Got A Tattoo



My lovely daughter, who just turned 18 years old… went out and got a tattoo tonight.

Surprisingly – that’s not the part that upsets me… what upsets me, is that she has been talking about getting one done for the longest time… planned it out… had it created by the tattoo artist, it would have been beautiful.  It held a lot of meaning, was artistic, I trusted the artist who was going to do it and she chose the back of her neck for placement, so she could easily hide it with her hair if she wanted to.  That, I would have been okay with.

So… long story short… she is ‘stuck’ in a different place right now (for reasons I won’t get into tonight) and she spontaneously went out (with the money I had given her for clothes) and decided to ‘drop in’ and get a tattoo of an M behind her ear… with six stars.  M is the initial of her last name.

Thank God she told me over the phone.

I didn’t freak out at her… just sort of said… ‘oh, can’t wait to see it’… that type of thing.

I am speechless.  Just fucking speechless.

And sad.

I can’t stop her from making stupid mistakes anymore.

Mistakes that are going to last a lifetime.