Growing Up Little

A woman exploring the world of BDSM and sharing what she discovers…

Daddy Bound…

Tomorrow I’ll be leaving… to stay overnight in the hotel… and then Daddy will knock on the door the following morning.

A week or so ago… Daddy and I had a conversation about the possibility of me moving closer to him and if I did what it would mean and how it would affect our current arrangement.  Don’t get me wrong… I wouldn’t be moving – just to be closer to him.  There are several reasons and my relationship with him, is just one of them.  An important one but by no means the only one.

I wanted to know, if I did make the move – would we see each other more often or would our ‘typical’ arrangement that we have now… pretty much be it.  It was an important question for me to ask, for lots of reasons.  Many years ago… I never would have asked… I wouldn’t have faced the possibility of being disappointed by his answer.

Communication.  Figuring out what it is I really want and not being afraid to ask for it.  Growth.  Progress.  Not perfection but progress.

I wasn’t disappointed with his answer.

Trust you Daddy

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Our First Anniversary

It is hard to believe that Daddy and I have been together for one year today.  One year.

Part of me feels like we’ve known each other forever.  He knows me inside and out.  He knows my heart and my soul.  He knows my good and my bad.  He doesn’t yet know all of me.  He doesn’t yet know all of my secrets… all of my transgressions… all of my awful little pieces of hidden guilt.  Not one person on earth knows all of it… well – I guess except for myself and even I hide things from my own mind sometimes.

What I can picture though… is that if there IS one person, that will eventually come to know it all – all the bad and the good… all my hidden little secrets – I can imagine it being him.  I’ve never even been able to picture that with anyone before.  Not a friend, not a boyfriend, not a husband, not a relative… nobody.  I have never truly considered it to truly even be a possibility.  But now… I believe it is possible.  Perhaps with more time.  A year is… after all… just a year.

What will I be writing next year on August 8th, 2014?  Where will I be?  Where will he be?  Where will WE be?  Time will tell.

Time will tell.

Time will tell.

 

 

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Journaling to Daddy

I came up with an idea and after speaking with Daddy about it – we are going to give it a try.  I realize that it is quite common for subs to keep journals for their Doms.  I thought that if I was to write in a journal when I felt that urge to express something to Daddy or share something with him, that it might take a bit of the distance and loneliness away and give me the opportunity to express some of the things that I want to share with him, things I am mulling over in my mind, or just those everyday type things that I don’t get the chance to share with him because of our situation.

My plan is to keep TWO journals.  That way when we do get together… we can ‘switch’… and he can read what I have written to him in the “in between times” and I will have the other journal to write in during that same ‘in between time’, so I will always have a journal to write in and he will always have a journal to read and we can switch them back and forth when we see each other.

It’s an experiment… so we’ll see if we find any benefit come out of it.

Does anybody else do anything similar with their Dom, sub, boyfriend, girlfriend…?  If so, I would love to hear how it works between you… why you started doing it and what you think you both get out of it.

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Happy – hurt – confused?

I’m feeling such a mix of emotions lately when it comes to my ‘relationship’.

I’m beginning to question… just how much of a ‘relationship’ is it really?

I’m feeling hurt because I’ve recognized that while Daddy cares for me and wants the best for me, when it comes right down to it – I’m always going to be limited to being a ‘small part’ of his life.

I will never truly be a part of his life.  I will always be his secret.  I won’t ever meet his friends.  I won’t ever get to call him spontaneously or see him spontaneously.  He will never be able to ‘pop over’ and check in on me, when I’m sick.

Is it fair, to allow him to be a real part of my life?  Perhaps it should always be kept ‘fun’.  Boundaries.  Protection.  But then, I question that too because why should I be ‘protecting’ myself emotionally from someone who is suppose to be taking that Daddy Dom role?  Isn’t that what a Daddy Dom should be – the one who protects… not that one I need to guard against?

A part of me questions – why can’t I just be happy with the way things are?  If I did have the opportunity of having a more traditional type of relationship with him – would it work anyway?  Perhaps I should just enjoy what we have together because it does make me happy in so many ways.

When I question things… Daddy always states that he hopes he brings me more happiness, than sadness and he does.  He does bring more happiness, than sadness but lately… I feel so hurt and so sad about the situation.  Am I trying to justify?  Rationalize?  Am I trying to make the situation okay in my head, when really it isn’t?  If it really was okay – then why do those feelings of hurt and sadness wash over me so intensely?  Am I ignoring my inner voice?  Or am I fucking up the happiness that I do have.  Am I self sabotaging?

Being in my head – isn’t always a party.

 

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Wartenberg Wheel

Mmm… Daddy and I played with a new toy today…

 

Wartenberg WheelGod… it hurt so good… I never wanted him to stop.

 

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Seeing Daddy Tomorrow!

I just checked into the hotel room and Daddy and I are emailing back and forth.

I had a stressful day and was having a hard time winding down.

Just ‘talking’ to Daddy… makes me feel calmer.

He has a way of instantly being able to put me into Little mode and the stress of the big, bad, “grownup” world seems to melt away.

He allows me to be Little and he takes care of me. 

He makes me feel safe and protected.  Cared for and loved.

He lets me be who I am.  Who I really am. 

Not only does he LET me be myself… he loves me for being ME…

I love him.

 

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Tuesday Threesome Day!

Got to love it!  Tuesday Threesome Day!

Come on… Let’s PLAY!

ONE…

Totti-bdsm--sexy-couples--Couples--Love_large

Read the rest of this entry »

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Tuesday Threesome Day

Got to love Tuesday threesome day!

One…

erotic13

Two…

Cock Worship

Three…

Pics8

Come on… Want to play?

Tuesday’s Threesome……

Post a hot threesome image or three of your favorite D/s images…

Started by:  The Bedroom Submissive

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Daddy Dom and I ‘talk’

Daddy and I spent the day together yesterday and it was wonderful and blissful and orgasmic…

During our time together, he mentioned that perhaps our next day together might be this Wednesday or Saturday… which is sooner than I would normally see him.  Lately, almost like clock work, we end up seeing one another every two weeks.

So.. we messaged back and forth tonight and he starts writing about our next day together… I’m immediately thinking he is going to say this Wednesday or Saturday… he doesn’t… he says a date two weeks down the road…  I am immediately disappointed and hurt.  Maybe I shouldn’t be… and maybe I over-react but… I decided that I was going to bring it up and discuss it with him.

So… I won’t bore you with the details… but by the end he agreed not to bring up any ‘dates’ that he wasn’t certain about and acknowledged the ‘two week’ routine, as being part of him being able to ‘cover his tracks’, so to speak.  He also said that there would be times we would see one another MORE often than that and that he planned to spend lots of time together doing stuff this summer.

By the end of it… I was pacified… still hurting a bit but… pacified.

I struggle with it sometimes.  I’m not sure if I’ll be able to work things out, in my own head and with him, so that we can make things work for us.  I’m learning as I go.  And irregardless of what the end game ends up being – there is at least that.

 

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Reconnected but confused

Reconnected… for now

The last time I blogged about my relationship, (Click to view post) I was feeling very disconnected from my Dom.  I was due to see him the next day and was feeling a lot of anxiety around how I was feeling.

Well, in he walked… coffees in hand and the ‘toy bag’ in the other.  I felt shy and disconnected from him.  I think what we SHOULD have done – was sat down and discussed that before proceeding with anything else but that’s not what happened.

Soon enough… I was starting to reconnect with him but I don’t think, even by the end of the day, that I felt like I was fully re-engaged with him.  I loved spending time with him… I always do but when I left that day… I was feeling sad, hurt, lost and shaky.  I know that I really need to explore my feelings about this, something I am not great at.

I am getting together with him again this Friday.  We will be spending the day together, as we usually do.  I think that he has recognized that there is an issue though.  He suggested a few dates of possible times to get together and it is noticeably more often than it usually is.

I know his intentions are good but I wonder if he truly has the time needed to be the Daddy Dom, I want and need him to be.  I guess, time will tell.

 

 

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