So… since I had my self-realization last week, triggered by pancake day (of all things)… (read the post Pancakes and Adultery HERE) I have done a lot of serious thinking and self-exploration. What I’ve realized in the last few days is that if I could have things happen exactly the way I’d want them to, it would look something like this:
Daddy would realize that as much as he cares and even loves his wife, that his marriage is one more of companionship to each other. That he is unable to be his real self with her – sexually and otherwise and he would realize that true intimacy requires that you be able to be your real self. Not only that but accepted, loved and adored for being your real self. He would decide to leave or separate from her. That he would still live in the same general area that he does now and that we’d start having more of a “real”, committed relationship. I’m not talking about us moving in together or anything like that, I mean I would hope that we would eventually want to, after we adjusted to having more of a ‘real’ relationship. I realize that things between us, wouldn’t always be perfect and that we would start discovering things about one another, that we didn’t know. We would just be able to have a ‘normal’ relationship with one another. One where we could talk to one another on the phone – whenever we felt like it. One where I could spend time with him at his house… sleep in his bed… wakeup beside him in the morning and yes – even make heart shaped pancakes with chocolate chips together. He could read me bedtime stories and he’d be there to hold me when we slept. We would grow and blossom together.
I expressed these thoughts to Daddy and asked him – is that totally unrealistic?
He said no… it wasn’t unrealistic. He told me he had a lot of thinking to do and I totally respect that. I realize that it’s not going to be as simple as a yes or no answer and that he wouldn’t be able to just decide something like that overnight. It’s a lot to think about… and there is a lot to consider.
Will write more on this in the near future.